Faithfulness

I'm prepping a short talk on "faithfulness" for an event at a local church.  It's a series on the "fruit of the Spirit."  My first thought is why do we separate the different "fruit" of the Spirit as if we can experience one or a few but not others.  We either experience all 9 attributes or we don't.  If we are plugged into, connected to, abiding in the Father (John 15:1-17) and living by the Spirit (Galatians 5:16) then the fruit of the Spirit should be evident in our lives.  If we aren't, the fruit probably won't be evident in our lives.

The second thought is that I've tried to exhibit and experience those qualities in my life in my own power and that hasn't gone so well.  We don't muster up the strength or will ourselves to having those attributes.  In my journey this last year with my health situation and its ripple effect, I've come to the end of my own abilities and strengths many times.  I have prayed to God and communicated out loud to Mandy and others that I can't keep going.  It seems, though, that everytime I feel that and something else goes sideways, God grants me the strength to get through.  Not only do I get through but I come out the other side with a greater faith and trust in God to walk me through whatever comes.

I confess that I'm in that situation again as I wait to find out if my new jaw bone has healed.  I don't know how I'll deal with the news that my bone hasn't healed if that happens.  The docs don't have a good answer about what they'll do if it doesn't heal.  I'm afraid and I'm thinking I don't have the strength, courage or faith to go through more major surgery.  I'm also facing the possibility that our hopes and plans to return to serving children in another country may not happen.

So, the battle rages in me.  I look back and see God's tremendous faithfulness to me in the last year in how He has healed me and provided for me and our family and my faith and love for Him has grown.  I also look ahead and feel fearful and weak as I face the unknown and possibly more hardships.  I'm realizing that my only hope is in Him and He wants me in that place of complete reliance on Him.

Father, thank you for allowing this into my life.  Thank you for exposing my self focused desires and the futility of controlling my life and living out this life in my own strength and ability.  I confess that I don't want to need You but I know in the deepest parts of my heart and soul that I need You desperately and can't breathe without You.  Keep me living by the Spirit so that I may experience all that I need to become the man You want me to be and to do what You are calling me to do. I love You!!!