The Lail Blog

Cast the nets

2012-01-17T14:28:00.002-05:00

I saw a man at the beach this morning, fishing in the ocean. He was up to his waist in the water and as each wave would break he would throw out his net. I watched him for quite some time...casting the net, casting the net, casting the net. I never saw him actually catch anything but there he stood with the waves crashing into him, faithfully throwing a net the size of a bed sheet into the ocean over and over again. I was struck by the simpilicity of his task and wondered what he must be thinking. Miles of beach stretched out on each side, ocean as far as you can see and he was the only one out fishing. Does he get discouraged? Does he think, "what's the point?" Is he constantly looking around and thinking "that spot looks better" or "maybe I could catch more over there?" I must admit, I would probably be thinking those things. As I watched him and wondered I sensed the Lord saying "fish where you are set". Just as this man was doing, faithfully fishing in the spot where he was set.

Today this is my prayer for our ministry, for Back2Back Mazatlan, that we will fish where we are set. With a new site and lots of unknowns it is easy to get distracted by all the possibilities. It is easy to be constantly looking around thinking "what about over there? or maybe there? should we rent that house? buy that property? are there more childrens homes? maybe that neighborhood would be better?" It is even easier to be thinking "we need bigger nets, better nets, more fisherman etc." But the Lord has laid this scene heavily on my heart, that we would fish where we are set, with what we have... just like that man at the beach. That we would use the nets and fishermen He has already provided. That we would get off the safety of the beach and into the surf and faithfully cast the nets, cast the nets, cast the nets. That while the 163 million orphans in the world can feel like an ocean to us, He has called us to go after these, here in Mazatlan, where He has set us.

Lord, lead our ministry to the place you have already set for us here in Mazatlan. Give us the courage and the faith to get into the surf and cast your nets and cast your nets and cast your nets until you tell us to move! May all the glory go to You, Amen!!

Holding on with Both Hands

2012-01-16T00:38:00.001-05:00

Matthew 11:12 From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.

I would like everyone to think I'm a pioneer. It sounds great to say that we are forging a new path and breaking new ground here in Mazatlan but God has made it it abundantly clear in the last week and a half since our arrival that He has been advancing His Kingdom here in Mazatlan for years and years and He has brought us here to be a part of the work already taking place. I am praising Him for how connected we already are to a couple local churches and to the children's homes here in Mazatlan.

We went to Iglesia Vida Nueva (New Life Church) this morning and Pastor Carlos called me up (without warning, of course) to share about Back2Back and what we are there to do. What a blessing it was to be able to share our heart for the orphan child and how we desire to see the church live out it's mission to be a blessing to the world by taking care of the orphan population. Carlos went on to share about Joshua and claiming the promise land and fulfilling the role that God has given us. He must've referenced Back2Back a half dozen times as he encouraged the congregation to be the hands and feet of Jesus to those in need.

A college grad, Pancho, from this church that I had met on my previous 2 visits to Mazatlan was there to greet us today. We hugged each other and it felt like he had been waiting for us to get there for a really long time. (I know the feeling) We talked for a while after the service about he wants to significantly participate with Back2Back and our work in the children's homes. I could easily see him coming on staff with us.

Mandy and I ran into Pastor Brian the other day. He is from the States and is the pastor of a well established Assembly of God church here in Mazatlan. His youngest kiddos attend the same school as Sofia and Nico. I had met Brian on a previous trip to Mazatlan. We talked briefly about all that God was doing in and through their church body in the Mazatlan area. We also talked about how we might partner together to serve and care for the local orphan kids.

So, even though Back2Back and the Lail Family are new to Mazatlan, God is NOT. He has long been advancing His Kingdom here and we are trying to grab a hold of it with all we have. May God move swiftly to rescue those kids who have suffered greatly and may He be glorified in all we do!!!

Ya llegamos!! We are here!!

2012-01-12T14:25:00.002-05:00

Well, 2600 miles and 6 days later we landed in Mazatlan, Mexico!! We have officially been here 1 week and it has been a whirlwind of activity enrolling the kids in school, getting phone service, cell phones, internet, water service and multiple trips to the immigration office to sort out our visas!! Just the visas and school alone have occupied probably 5 of the 7 days and we aren't done yet. But its all part of getting settled. We should have internet in the house next week and that will help us settle into some more regular communication. We are a bit worn out but super blessed and looking forward to getting past the details of moving in and onto the ministry God has already started here in Mazatlan. Photos and more updates to come!!

Mazatlan Staff Team

2011-11-07T16:16:00.002-05:00

We have a staff team for B2B Mazatlan!

The Metzger Family; Matt, Dana, Cora and Grant (new B2B Staff family from Indiana)

Rodo & Becca Arguello (B2B staff currently serving in Monterrey, MX)

And us...the Lail Family; J.J., Mandy, Sofia and Nico. God has put together a great staff team for Back2Back Ministries new site in Mazatlan, Mexico! We are humbled and grateful by His consistent provision. Our goal is to be on the ground in Mazatlan in January 2012(at least part of the team)!

Please pray for our staff team:

Praise the Lord with us for assembling a great team!
That we would seek His Kingdom and His righteousness first and foremost and desire to put our intimacy with Him above all other things.
Staff financial support/fund raising and housing needs in Mazatlan.
TRANSITIONS for all 3 families as we apply for visas, pack, move, leave behind family & friends, transition out of former jobs/roles and settle in Mazatlan.
For unity and strong community for our new team.

Do you want to get to know these awesome folks? Come visit us at B2B Mazatlan!

Needs for Mazatlan ~ Vehicle

2011-11-07T10:26:00.000-05:00

As we continue to prepare for our new site in Mazatlan we are humbled by the Lord's generosity and timing. Our staffing has come together (post on our staff team coming soon) and the Lord continues to raise up partners for us in this new adventure. We are still looking for more monetary funding for the site but hoping that we have enough for our family to land in Mazatlan in January!!
One need we have is for a ministry vehicle for the site. We are looking for preferably a van or something larger that could pull a trailer. The vehicle needs to be reliable enough to make the drive to Mazatlan and then for use around town. If you are interested or know of anyone who may be able to donate a vehicle...please let us know!

Welcome!!

2011-10-19T11:48:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the Lail Family Blog! For those of you who may be new to our blog...here is a quick review...

Our family(JJ, Mandy, Sofia and Nico Lail) has been on staff with Back2Back Ministries since 2008. Back2Back Ministries serves to provide care for today and hope for tomorrow to orphans around the world. www.back2backministries.com

We served in Monterrey, Mexico from Sept 2008 to Feb 2011 as house parents in the Hope Education Program (providing a family environment and higher education to teens coming from orphanages). JJ was diagnosed with cancer in July 2010. After 6 months of traveling back and forth from the US and Mexico for multiple surgeries and radiation, our family temporarily relocated back in Cincinnati, OH in order to complete JJ's treatments together as a family. As of August 2011, JJ's doctors have given him a clean bill of health to return to international ministry. We will be moving to Mazatlan, Mexico in 2012 in order to open a new site for Back2Back Ministries. We are outrageously blessed and grateful for the Lord's great provision in this season of our life. We are extremely thankful to return to Mexico and serving orphans because God has forever turned our hearts to the cause of the orphan child. We are amazed at how God is and already has moved in Mazatlan and we can't wait to get on the ground and watch what He is up to next. If you want more info on our season as house parents or details on JJ's medical adventure...poke around the site and the old posts. Check back often as we will be updating the blog on our newest adventure in Mazatlan!

Mazatlan Slideshow

2011-09-07T09:44:00.000-04:00

Check out our Mazatlan slideshow (scroll down on the right). These are pics from JJ's trip to Mazatlan in August and some pictures of some of the kids from Rancho de los Ninos, one of the children's homes there. You know you wanna come visit us!!!

Mexico or Bust!!!

2011-09-06T09:09:00.000-04:00

Well, things with my health are going well. I'm cancer free, my new jaw bone is healed, and my doc has given me the go ahead to start pursuing future plans (wherever they might take us). I feel excited that we can start moving into the next stage of life.

Speaking of the next stage of life, Mandy and I have felt the call to go to Mazatlan, Mexico to start a new site with Back2Back Ministries. Mazatlan sits on the Pacific coast and is a commercial/tourist town with a population of 500 thousand people. There are 6 children's homes in the area and we have begun a relationship with 5 of them. We feel extremely excited at the prospect of supporting these homes and the kids who live there. Our ideal timeline would be to land in Mazatlan in January, 2012.

There are 3 hurdles to get over to stay on this timeline.
1. Our personal fundraising
2. Mazatlan fundraising
3. Additional staffing

Please pray for this process that God would continue to lead us and provide for us. Thanks for all your prayers and support.

Faithfulness

2011-07-12T11:14:00.000-04:00

I'm prepping a short talk on "faithfulness" for an event at a local church. It's a series on the "fruit of the Spirit." My first thought is why do we separate the different "fruit" of the Spirit as if we can experience one or a few but not others. We either experience all 9 attributes or we don't. If we are plugged into, connected to, abiding in the Father (John 15:1-17) and living by the Spirit (Galatians 5:16) then the fruit of the Spirit should be evident in our lives. If we aren't, the fruit probably won't be evident in our lives.

The second thought is that I've tried to exhibit and experience those qualities in my life in my own power and that hasn't gone so well. We don't muster up the strength or will ourselves to having those attributes. In my journey this last year with my health situation and its ripple effect, I've come to the end of my own abilities and strengths many times. I have prayed to God and communicated out loud to Mandy and others that I can't keep going. It seems, though, that everytime I feel that and something else goes sideways, God grants me the strength to get through. Not only do I get through but I come out the other side with a greater faith and trust in God to walk me through whatever comes.

I confess that I'm in that situation again as I wait to find out if my new jaw bone has healed. I don't know how I'll deal with the news that my bone hasn't healed if that happens. The docs don't have a good answer about what they'll do if it doesn't heal. I'm afraid and I'm thinking I don't have the strength, courage or faith to go through more major surgery. I'm also facing the possibility that our hopes and plans to return to serving children in another country may not happen.

So, the battle rages in me. I look back and see God's tremendous faithfulness to me in the last year in how He has healed me and provided for me and our family and my faith and love for Him has grown. I also look ahead and feel fearful and weak as I face the unknown and possibly more hardships. I'm realizing that my only hope is in Him and He wants me in that place of complete reliance on Him.

Father, thank you for allowing this into my life. Thank you for exposing my self focused desires and the futility of controlling my life and living out this life in my own strength and ability. I confess that I don't want to need You but I know in the deepest parts of my heart and soul that I need You desperately and can't breathe without You. Keep me living by the Spirit so that I may experience all that I need to become the man You want me to be and to do what You are calling me to do. I love You!!!

Checking In

2011-06-14T16:29:00.000-04:00

Wanted to let you in on a few of the things that have been happening in our lives the last couple of weeks and what's going on with some of the boys from Back2Back Monterrey. JJ is continuing to heal up reasonably well. His right leg is getting stronger and he's getting around much better. His left leg (skin graft) is slowly healing up also. The jaw doesn't hurt and the suture lines are all well on there way to full healing. He'll go in for CT scans in August to see if the new bone has healed in place. Please please keep praying for that new jaw bone to heal correctly. If it heals, JJ is close to the end of this process. If it doesn't, the doc isn't even giving us options at this point. JJ is back at work in the B2B US office and enjoying being productive and out of the recliner.

Although things with JJ's jaw and legs are moving along well, the fun never ends (or so it seems). JJ contracted some type of infection that started with either a zit or a bug bite on his temple. In a short couple of days JJ's face blew up like a pool inflatable (think Will Smith's allergic reaction in the movie Hitch). We went to the UC Hospital ER and they put JJ on IV antibiotics and Benadryl. They sent him home with a 10 day supply of antibiotics. His face is slowly returning to its formerly beat up surgery recovery state.

Mandy has started participating in the Solomon Center (a Northstar Church outreach to those in need in our Loveland community) Her first evening was an absolute blessing. She spent an entire glorious evening chatting in Spanish with and helping Latino families that come for help. Her presence brought encouragement to not only herself but to the other church volunteers and the Spanish speaking families that showed up. I think she (and her semi useful husband) may continue to go to support the sweet work Northstar is doing with those in our community who need the help. Mandy has also spent lots of time with her buddies who have loved on and cared for her in this difficult time of transition.

Sofia and Nico have both finished school (1st grade and pre-school respectively). They have met some new friends and are looking forward to hanging out at our community pool this summer. It's funny (and sobering) sometimes with your kids when you see your own personalities (wounding) begin to come out in them. Within a 2 minute time frame the other day we saw how much daughter was like mommy and son like his father. JJ was talking to Nico and Sofia about what a great job they had done cleaning their rooms and the importance of trying to maintain that cleanliness in an ongoing fashion. As he finished and got up from the table Sofia said, "Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do that." Mandy almost fell out of her chair. Nico went upstairs to change T-shirts and was looking for one of his Back2Back Staff Kid T-shirts. JJ asked him why he needed one of his B2B Staff Kid T-shirts and he responded, "so that everyone will know me." Where does that need to be the center of attention come from? ummmm? We are trusting that God is imparting some of our more honorable traits as well.

Four of the original boys are going to be graduating high school this summer. We weren't sure they would make it but we've been hoping and praying that they would experience God's purpose in their lives. This is a great accomplishment that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for God's love and the B2B Hope Program. Please join us in thanking the Lord for his involvement and commitment to these boys. Please also continue to pray for these boys as they now enter a new scary and overwhelming transition into college life and more expectations. These times often bring about a renewed sense of fear, frustration and woundedness that can be difficult to navigate. Pray that God would allow them to experience His love and healing and that He would continue to call them to the lives he has for them.

3 of the new boys have finished their first year of high school with mixed reviews. Adjusting to high school expectations is a tall order for the students in our Hope Program. Some of the boys may need to change high schools. Pray that God would guide the many decisions involved in this process. Unfortunately, one of our new boys is no longer in the program. Pray for God's hand to be on his life. We are confident that God's love and guidance don't end when students leave our program.

Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers and support. This time back in Cincinnati has been challenging but we are seeing God heal us, grow us and prepare us for the next chapter of the story He is writing for us.

Honeysuckle

2011-05-18T14:04:00.000-04:00

I wanted to share a conversation I had with the Lord the other day. I know my conversations with God may seem a bit odd to some of you, but hang in there with me. You may just enjoy my story anyway. :)

I was walking around Landen Lake the other day. I love a good walk alone. It's a great time for me to pray or talk to God. It's a great time for me to pour our my heart to God and to listen to what He has to say to me. Recently I have been toying with the idea of running. I am not totally sure why I am toying with this idea, but I am. So, on some of my walks, I have started running some short distances. I can't say I like it but I am trying to press in and try it anyway...sometimes ;) So, I round a corner the other day, just coming off one of my SHORT running stints and I notice this part of the path. It's a short part that winds around a few houses before turning back in front of the lake. It's pretty wooded, pretty isolated and the path is windy here...in places you cannot see the path ahead. But lining this part of the path are honeysuckle bushes. The honeysuckle bushes have been there all along but this was the first day I noticed them. They were in bloom, small whitish yellow flowers everywhere. And then it hit me, the smell. That strong, sweet, distinctive honeysuckle smell.

I had to stop for a moment to take it in. You see, I was panting like a dog on a hot humid day. My heart was beating so hard and loud it was all I could hear. And my shins, well they were screaming in pain. Remember, I had just been RUNNING. Pathetic, I know, but God used it to speak to me. Like a rush it hit me. This impression of my current situation. I'm on a path. At times it feels isolating and I can't see ahead of me...no idea where I am going or what will come next. And personally, well, I am in pain...major pain. But there, along my path, are all these honeysuckle bushes. Fragrant and beautiful. God wants to remind me that He is there with me, no matter what my path. And on those hard, lonely paths...He has something for us. He has something beautiful. But we have to look for it. We have have to stop focusing on our screaming muscles or lack of breath and look around. We have to look for what He has for us.

And that day, it was so clear to me. So clear that the Lord is calling me to look around. To know that despite the pain, despite the continued unknown, despite the loneliness...He has something for me on this path. Something fragrant, beautiful and strong. And right now, He is reminding me of it with the honeysuckle. Just today I was feeling a bit tired, a bit overwhelmed and frankly a bit sad. I got out of my car on ANOTHER gloomy, rainy and overcast day in Cincinnati. And it hit me, the smell of honeysuckle. And there I heard it again...your circumstances may seem gloomy but I have something beautiful for you. I know it may seem strange or even wacky to some of you, this type of conversations I have with the Lord. But to me, they are treasures. I sense His presence, His care and love for me, His comfort and even His delight. I am overwhelmed by His care for me that He would choose to speak to me in such powerful and personal ways.

So, there was the fragrant honeysuckle. And then I walk in the house to find a care package from friends. Not just any friends, but special long time friends. Friends I rarely see and even rarely communicate with these days. But these special friends took the time to put together a thoughtful and creative care package for my family in this season. They were expressing their care and concern for us and I am grateful. And grateful to the Lord for grabbing my attention, for reminding me to look for the honeysuckle...and there it was. One of the beautiful things of this season has been the way God has used so many friends and family to come alongside and support and care for us. It has been strong and sweet...just like honeysuckle.

And so today, I am exceeding grateful to the Lord for His love and care for us. For His personal nature and the way He speaks to me. For the way He uses others to comfort and support us. And for the honeysuckle. In the midst of pain, it is still sweet.

Recovery Update

2011-05-18T13:24:00.000-04:00

JJ is getting stronger each day. So far, we have had no further complications!!! JJ still has some pain in the leg and the donor site is a bit yucky but so far so good. As of now, he is planning on starting back at the Back2Back Office next week. We are outrageously grateful to the B2B leadership and the way they have supported us on this journey. Because of their incredible support (and that of our support team) we are able to spend this season on home assignment...allowing us to still have a job while walking through JJ's treatment and recovery! We are so grateful!

JJ's surgeon will monitor his progress over the summer. Then about 4 months out from surgery JJ will have scans and xrays done to check the healing of his bone. If the bone is healing well, we can move forward with planning an outpatient procedures needed to deal with the cosmetics of the reconstruction. According to the surgeon, JJ's neck area is a "hostile" environment. After radiation and 8 surgeries, the scarring and blood vessels are a mess. Dr. Patil feels like he could not repeat the reconstruction because of the condition of his neck area. SO, we are praying like crazy that the bone HEALS this time. We are trusting God no matter what but would LOVE to see an end to this season of surgeries. We want complete healing for JJ's body. We know that God CAN and often DOES heal, we just don't know what his plan is for JJ in this process. Won't you join us in praying for healing?

Home Sweet Home

2011-05-05T18:04:00.000-04:00

JJ came home this past weekend. We are settling in and enjoying having daddy around :) Recovery from here is slow but steady as JJ regains his strength, swelling goes down, skin grafts heal etc. He'll be resting here at home for the next couple weeks and then will return to work in the Back2Back Office. The doc wants him to rest and recoup for a couple months and then he'll do some scans/xrays to check on the healing of the bone. We are hopeful that this could be the LAST surgery. Praying for full recovery and grateful for God's provision each and every step of the way!

Thursday Update

2011-04-28T19:21:00.001-04:00

JJ is doing better today. He is back to eating solid food, up in a chair etc. If we have no more complications, he should be headed home sometime this weekend. The complications have been tough but the transplant and grafts all look good. We are weary but grateful. God is GOOD

Wednesday Update

2011-04-27T13:52:00.000-04:00

JJ is awake and breathing on his own again. He is a bit uncomfortable and frustrated by the setbacks but overall he is well. If he doesn't start bleeding again or present other complications, he is back on the road to recovery. Hospital stay has probably extended to at least Monday.

still sedated

2011-04-26T17:45:00.002-04:00

JJ's condition is stable. He is heavily sedated and resting comfortably. They will slowly bring him out of the sedation tomorrow morning. For now the swelling/bleeding seems to be under control. Grateful for all your support and prayer.

sleeping beauty

2011-04-25T21:50:00.000-04:00

Just talked to the doc...JJ is okay, closed up and headed to recovery. A team of docs spent over an hour looking in the wound and watching for bleeding but they can't find anything. Everything is clotting fine and they have tested his blood, platelets etc. They have decided to keep him sedated for the next 36 hours to minimize all movement and allow the wound to quiet and heal. So, we wait. THANK YOU for praying. God is good and He is in control.

2011-04-25T20:07:00.002-04:00

he didn't even make it out of recovery and the area started to swell again and hurt...obviously something is still bleeding...JJ is already back in the O.R. Please pray they can find the problem and put a stop to it!

7th surgery update

2011-04-25T18:35:00.002-04:00

JJ is out of surgery and in recovery. Doc cleaned the area really well and put in a temporary drain to give relief to the area. Doc will extend the hospital stay a few days to keep a close eye on him but hopefully this will keep it under control. As always, we are grateful for the prayers and support.

back in the O.R.

2011-04-25T16:40:00.002-04:00

JJ is on his way back to the operating room. Fluid is collecting in his neck under the transplant so they will reopen his incision to drain it and tie off anything that is still bleeding. Should be a quick procedure but will put recovery back a couple days. Pray for JJ's spirits...he is super discouraged by another complication and his 7th trip to the OR.

Happy Easter!!!

2011-04-24T12:53:00.000-04:00

JJ is more alert today but running a bit of a fever and needed a few units of blood. Join us in praying against infections!

up and at 'em!

2011-04-23T12:30:00.002-04:00

J.J. is up in the chair, awake, talking and getting ready to have some chicken broth and fruit ice. AMAZING after 7 plus hours of surgery yesterday and sedation all night. God is good! :D

on to recovery

2011-04-22T16:41:00.002-04:00

JJ is heading out of recovery and on his way to the Burn Unit ICU where they can keep a close eye on his transplant and skin grafts. He should be there for at least the next 5 days. Feeling super thankful. God is good!

out of surgery

2011-04-22T16:40:00.002-04:00

JJ is out of surgery. All is well. The transplant was difficult but Dr Patil says it looks good, blood pumping well etc. So thankful for a good result, still praying for healing on this transplant and skin grafts. Hopeful to see him soon.

CareCalendar

2011-04-21T07:47:00.000-04:00

Many people have expressed a desire to make a meal or help out in other ways during JJ's hospital stay and recovery. My dear friend Lisa, has set up this Care Calendar as a great way to organize meals and other care. To sign up to make a meal, just access the web site with the info below and pick an available date. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your support.

HELPER LOGON

The HELPER logon is used by family and friends

that would like to sign-up to help a loved one.

To access JJ and Mandy Lail's personal CareCalendar site,

visit http://carecalendar.org/logon/72780 and enter

the following information in the appropriate spaces:

CALENDAR ID : 72780

SECURITY CODE : 7392

The SIXTH time is the charm??????

2011-04-19T14:47:00.000-04:00

We are headed for JJ's 6th surgery this week. Seems pretty unbelievable to me as I type it. Six surgeries in 9 months. It's been quite a year, to say the least. I will be updating Facebook and this blog to keep everyone informed on the surgery and recovery process.

Because of what radiation has done to JJ's skin in his chin and neck area, it's just not healthy or strong enough to keep the incisions closed. Because the incisions won't stay closed, the bone transplant in the jaw has not and will not heal properly. SO, the surgeon will redo the reconstruction. He will remove the bone and metal plate from the jaw, harvest new bone, tissue and skin from JJ's other leg and reconstruct the jaw again. While we are not excited about JJ enduring major surgery again, we are hopeful that this will finally put him on the path to healing and out of the operating room. Dr. Patil says that if all goes well with this surgery, JJ would be done with surgeries!! We are praising Jesus for what could be the last one!

We are also hopeful for a speedier and smoother recovery this time around. While the surgery will still be significant, they will not be removing tumors & lymph nodes or cutting in his mouth. The surgeon says he will not have a feeding tube this time and probably not a trach either! This is great news for JJ as those both were uncomfortable and difficult parts of recovery.

Surgery is Friday April 22 @ 7 am. JJ will spend at least 5 days in the hospital for recovery and then a few weeks at home in the recliner.

We are outrageously grateful for the continued support and prayers on this journey. Thank you!!

Golf & Lunch Outing (May 14th)

2011-04-04T11:17:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to send out a quick reminder for those of you who might be interested in attending the Golf Outing & Lunch Benefit that my good friends are putting together for my medical expenses. Please register and get your stuff in to Rob Reynolds by April 15th. The registration info is at the link below. Thanks for all your support and prayers.
JJ Lail Benefit Golf Outing Registration Info

USA

2011-03-30T12:06:00.000-04:00

Well, we are finally on the downhill slope of logistically moving back to the States. We are living in a townhome that we are grateful to have found. It has plenty of room and is costing us less than we were thinking we would have to pay for something smaller in this area. We are close to the B2B office, where I'm working, and to Loveland, where we go to church. We moved home with just the stuff we could fit in our Suburban (which is more than I thought it would be) but through the generosity of others, we have furnished the entire home and even had some leftovers for a friend of ours. God is good like that.

Sofia is enrolled in 1st grade and loves her teacher and classmates (one whose family is from Mexico). Nico is enrolled in a pre-school at a local church 2 mornings a week and loves it as well. The church, after finding out our situation, agreed to let Nico join his class for the rest of the school year without paying a thing. Again, God is taking care of us in the midst of a very difficult transition.

To summarize what we've been through in the last 9 months and, in particular, the last couple of months with making the decision to move back to Cincinnati is challenging to say the least. At times we feel sad, frustrated, angry, disillusioned, confused and a myriad of other emotions. We have chosen to leave not only our 8 boys (probably for good) who had become a part of our family but also our B2B family there in Monterrey. Once you get used to living in that type of community it is extremely difficult to leave and be without it. We miss all of them terribly. We also miss the adventure of living in another culture. It was fun and everyday was something new and adventurous. I must confess that I feel a bit trapped here in the US but I know there's hope.

Although Mandy and I would rather be living in Mexico or some other Spanish speaking place taking care of orphans, we know and believe wholeheartedly that God has not left us. In fact, we have felt His presence more deeply as we walk through this process. We believe God is using this time to heal physical and emotional wounds. He is teaching us things that I'm not sure He would've been able to teach us if it weren't for this process. I have come to believe that God is always preparing us for what lies ahead. God knows the desires of our hearts and how He made us. As we deny and surrender ourselves, He will always use us to bring glory to Himself and to build His Kingdom. He will do that while we are here in the States and wherever else He chooses to send us. So, in spite of prefering to be somewhere else and doing something else, we are trusting in God's plan for us and desiring to grow in the areas of our lives that God is pressing into.

I love my Father and know that He is always good. I know that suffering is a part of our journey here on Earth but I also know that Jesus' resurrection gives us hope that God not only overcomes all those things but redeems them as well so that He will be glorified. At the end of the day, that's all I want. Be glorified in our lives, Father.

CHANGES!!

2011-02-17T11:13:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been awhile since we updated the blog but a lot has happened in the last month and we have been trying to keep our head above water. JJ had surgery #4 in January. Good news is he is cancer free at this point. Praise the Lord!!! Bad news is the bone isn't healing and that will probably mean going through several more surgeries including his original big surgery again to replace that bone again. He will also have skin surgery (surgery #5) next week to help cover bone that is able to be seen through the skin.

After JJ returned home from surgery #4 in January, we had some difficult conversations about our ability to continue walking out this process living in 2 different places. This process has put a significant amount of stress on us as individuals, our marriage, our kids, our 8 boys, and our community in Mexico. Along with the B2B leadership we decided a couple of weeks ago to move back to Cincinnati in order to walk out JJ's healing and medical process together as a family. It was a super difficult decision but one that we feel God has led us to for the long term health of everyone involved. Leaving our boys and our community in Monterrey makes us extremely sad but we trust in God's plans for us and the boys and know this is the best decision for all of us in the long term.

Much of the future is foggy at this point and we desire to return to a Spanish-speaking country to serve orphans in some capacity. For now JJ will be working for B2B in the home office. He is excited about working with the home office staff and how he can contribute to the ministry using his talents and gifts here in Cincinnati. We have found an apartment in Landen (near the B2B office) and will be spending the next several days moving in and taking care of details regarding the move. We have missed our support system here and we look forward to spending time with friends and family.

As always we would appreciate your continued prayers and support in this time of transition. Please pray specifically for ...
1. Our ability to see our situation through God's eyes and to learn to trust and love Him more.
2. JJ's healing and medical process.
3. Our marriage.
4. Sofia & Nico and their transition.
5. God's supernatural presence in the lives of our 8 boys.

J.J. Lail Benefit Golf Outing

2011-02-09T00:46:00.000-05:00

Some friends of mine are organizing a golf outing to raise money for my ongoing medical expenses due to my cancer treatments and jaw reconstruction. The link below will take you to a web page where you can print the registration form if you are interested in participating.
JJ Lail Benefit Golf Outing

There is also more info on the outing on Facebook under the same name as the link above. Please let me know if you have questions and feel free to pass this info on to those who might be interested in participating.

God is faithful

2011-01-20T16:27:00.000-05:00

JJ's visit to the doc today was not encouraging. He still has the infection/drainage issue and the bone is not healing well. Worst case scenario includes REPEATING the reconstructive surgery in 2 years if this doesn't heal. We are thankful that he is still cancer free and that God will never leave or forsake us no matter how long and bumpy this road is and/or becomes. HE is faithful.

My Man is famous :)

2011-01-11T13:46:00.000-05:00

UC HealthNews recently published an article about J.J. and his reconstructive surgery. You can check it out at this link:
http://healthnews.uc.edu/publications/findings/?/12086/12126/

It's a WHOLE HAND kinda day

2011-01-03T14:40:00.000-05:00

Today is Nico's 5th birthday!! I can't believe he is already 5 years old. He has been counting down to this day for quite some time. It has been a succession of birthdays in Casa Juan since Sofia's birthday in November. He uses the order of birthdays to count down to his...1st Sofia, then Camilo, then Adan, then Mama, then Pablo, then Jesus...then NICO!! He also been super excited since Daddy told him that at 5 years old, he is finally a whole hand! Last night when I put him to bed he said "Mama, tomorrow I will be a whole hand!" And that he is :)
Our birthday morning will give you a little insight into my little man. Last night he insisted he wanted "breakfast in bed" for his birthday. Of course he found his way to my bed around 3am and I found myself sharing a pillow with the little fireball once again. At 6:30 he was ready for cartoons & breakfast. I convinced him to go back to sleep until 7:15 when he again insisted upon cartoons, candy and breakfast in bed. His breakfast order: eggs, toast and bacon. I headed to the kitchen to make his special breakfast and he insisted on coming with me...couldn't wait for me to bring it to him. Then insisted on eating it right away, again couldn't wait to take it back to bed. Then changed his mind after I made the eggs, didn't want them. Didn't like my fried ham disguised as bacon and had more fun buttering the toast than eating it. By 8:30 he was dressed and ready to play outside. The whole breakfast thing just took way too long!
This is a good picture of every day with my little man. He is on high speed all the time, full of energy, easily distracted, full of adventure, ideas and wild comments. His current favorite saying is "Totally Wicked!!" He certainly keeps us on our toes. On the rare occasion that he does slow down, he is an awesome cuddler and a sweet mama's boy. I enjoyed retelling the story of his adoption to him this morning. The way we chose his name, it's meaning and how Sofia and I remember that first day we met him. It was pure joy to watch his eyes light up as we talked about him and I encouraged him to seek God and the plan He has for his life. Parenting 10 is insanity at times and I often struggle with worry about all that I am not giving, especially to my wee ones. I am so thankful that God sees Nico's whole life beginning to end, that He has a plan for him and I get a front row seat. Nicolas means "victory of the people". Won't you pray for my little man today? I know the Lord has a special purpose for his life, one that includes victory not just for him but others as well. I LOVE THAT!!!

January Visit

2011-01-01T01:09:00.000-05:00

I put in my last health update that I will return to Cincinnati on January 10th for some follow up surgery. I thought I'd fill you guys in so you can be praying for specifics. I just want to say at this point that all of your prayers and support mean more to me than I could ever communicate to you all individually. I thank our Father for his love and for providing so many wonderful friends and my family. I know I couldn't get through this if it weren't for all of you.

When I return the docs will do a CT scan to check on several things. They will want to check for any cancer, review an inflamed lymph node that showed up on the CT scan I had done here in Mexico a month ago, and check the healing and fusing of my new jaw bone. There is currently a metal plate that is holding my new jaw bone (formerly known as my leg bone) to my residual jaw. That has been a source of infection. During my surgery they will remove it and if the bone is fused enough then they won't have to replace it. If the healing isn't as far as they would like it to be then they will put a new metal piece in my jaw to stabilize it. They will also trim down some of the tissue in my mouth and do some touch up (cosmetic) work on my face as well. The surgery is outpatient but I'm not sure at this point how long I will need to stay in Cincinnati.

Please pray for the surgery. Pray specifically for the healing and fusing of my new jaw bone so that I won't have to get a new piece of metal put in which would mean another surgery to remove that piece. I didn't consider myself vain before this but I've realized that I'm a little worried about what I'll look like at the end of this whole ordeal. Pray for my heart and the doc's hands as they repair my face. Pray also for this infection to go away quickly and the healing of my suture lines and neck and jaw muscles.

Tis the season

2010-12-20T11:54:00.001-05:00

Tis the season to celebrate in Casa Juan! Nov/Dec/early Jan hold Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, 3 Kings Day and 6 birthdays! Pablo, who left our house in April, turned 18 just last week. We are super thankful that he has been to visit us twice in the last several months including the week before his birthday. Admittedly, it can be bittersweet to see him. Mostly sweet as he still calls us mom & dad, as he remembered my birthday, as he reminisces about time in our house, knows he is always welcome and will still eat an outrageous amount of food at every visit. It's bitter to know he's not in school, to know his living situation isn't the best, to know he's outside the covering of our house. But he's never outside the reach of the Lord and we continue to pray for him. We are thankful for the time we had to invest in him and hopeful for the seeds that were planted while he was here.

Celebrating my birthday was pretty fun this year as well. A dear friend made a card for me complete with photos of each of the boys and messages written by them. While most of them are typically not very expressive, it was super sweet to read their messages to me. One of the boys actually planned, paid for and surprised me with a gift! It was a box of chocolates and a card with a note. May seem like a small thing but to me it was HUGE! To see this sweet boy spend his own money(and he is very careful with it), go out to buy it, write me a note in my card etc and hand it to me with a hug the morning of my birthday... I LOVED it! It was so sweet and meaningful.

Me with the boys on my birthday...getting ready for cake and the traditional "mordida" or bite. I've said before that it can be a full contact sport in our house. For my birthday we had ice cream cake and I let the boys smash my face into it. Thankfully they were a lot kinder to me than they are to each other. One kept saying "Be nice, it's mom".

Our ministry here with these boys is relational and long term. Sometimes the fruit seems small and even non existent but we relish the tell tale moments of God at work when they appear and we continue to trust that He is always at work, pursuing these young men and weaving their stories into His whether we see it or not. This month has had some sweet moments and we intend to savor them for as long as we can.
Zech 4:10 "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin."

Happy Birthday Mandy!!!

2010-12-12T01:54:00.001-05:00

Today is Mandy's 40th birthday. She is more beautiful, wiser, lovely and loving than she was more than 20 years ago when we met. I feel blessed and grateful to have shared more than half our lifetime together. I know many of you would agree and have been impacted by her life. I would like to take the time to share one thing about Mandy that has impacted my life.

2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Mandy has a huge heart for God and for others. This ministry that God has called us to is challenging in many ways and often pushes Mandy to the breaking point. The thing is, she never breaks. She has given her heart, time, and energy to loving not only her husband and 2 little kids but also the 8 boys God has placed in our home. It's difficult to commit yourself to and to love people that don't have the capacity to love you back the way you want. I know there are times when she feels like she's got nothing left to give and wants to run away but therein lies her strength. Mandy's faith in God to love her, carry her and use her is why she has had such an impact on our boys and those around her. God's grace is sufficient for Mandy and she continues to persevere even when things are difficult.

I thank the Lord for her. She is a wonderful woman, wife, mom, and friend. It is a blessing to walk with her as long as the Lord permits.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Health Update

2010-12-11T13:49:00.001-05:00

I've been back in Monterrey for a month now and it's fantastic to be at home. It's mildly frustrating that I can't do everything I want to do because of my energy levels but just being here to enjoy my wife, Sofia & Nico, and the boys is good for my soul. God continues to work on me and strip away the things I cling to for significance.

A couple of weeks ago I was having some more pain and numbness in my jaw. It persisted for several days to the point I called my doc in Cincinnati to ask him about it. He said he would need to see a CT scan in order to tell me what's going on. My periodontist friend, Carolina, connected me with an oncologist here who ordered the CT scan at a local hospital. I then sent the results to my doc in Cincinnati. He said everything looks good. There is an inflamed lymph node that he can take care of when I come back in January. Things have also healed up to the point that he has already scheduled the surgery I need for when I come back in January. That is very good news and answered prayer.

Please continue to pray for healing, specifically for the infection I still have in my jaw, the suture line from my surgery that hasn't closed all the way, and the muscles in my neck and jaw that were effected by the surgery. More than that though, pray that God would continue to use this process to transform my heart and my life so that I look and act more like Jesus. Praise the Lord that my taste buds are recovering and I can now taste things that I couldn't during my radiation. I had forgotten how good vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup is. I feel all that weight coming back.

Feliz Cumpleanos

2010-11-29T13:29:00.000-05:00

November has been a full month including 3 birthdays in Casa Juan. Sofia turned seven years old. I would say I can hardly believe it but to see the way she has matured and how she has turned into such a lovely little girl...I have the hard evidence that indeed she is growing up! Unfortunately she was very sick the week of her birthday and we haven't had much of a celebration yet...therefore no pics of her :( Both Camilo and Adan turned 16 last week. We celebrated both boys with a trip to Incredible Pizza and then again with cakes on their individual birthdays...then Thanksgiving! It was a BUSY week. Enjoy some birthday celebration pics. Obviously the "mordida" (when the birthday boy takes a bite of cake without his hands) is a favorite. In Casa Juan, it's a full contact sport, smashing the face into the cake.

Full House

2010-11-29T10:06:00.003-05:00

Casa Juan is officially full with 8 boys. Thought you all might like to see a recent photo of the "kids".
Top(l to r): Homero(17), Nico(4), Adan(16), Sofia(7), Chuy(15) and Gabriel(16)
Bottom: Camilo(16), Marcos(16), Jaime(15) and Mario(16)

Parenting 10 has it's challenges...let's face it, challenges, challenges and CHALLENGES but it can also be lots of fun. The longer we are together the more attached I am to each of these young men. I love them dearly and with that sometimes the heartbreaks and disappointments are tougher but also I believe that the day to day life is sweeter. And in the messy, our young men are learning more about navigating life and relationships. Please continue to pray for these young men as they navigate adolescent and become men. It is such a pleasure to see their uniqueness, to see the way God has made each one. And it is such heartache to watch the enemy mess with them, to see them believe the lies and live out of their past pain instead of who they really are. Please pray with us that they would experience all that God has for them. That they would learn to see God for who He is and who they are in Him. After a recent message at church about who we are in God, I was able to encourage several of them with "Remember who you are". Pray with us that they would discover these truths.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T21:50:00.000-05:00

It's the day before Thanksgiving and this holiday takes on a little different feel considering it will be in the high 80s tomorrow here in Monterrey, Mexico. No matter where I am though, I have much to be thankful for. God has blessed me with Himself, a wonderful Creator and Father, Jesus, my Lord and Savior, and the Holy Spirit, who does all kinds of fun things in and through me. I have an incredible wife who loves, challenges, and encourages me regularly. These 2 (not so small anymore) kids who keep calling me "dad" are a constant source of joy (and entertainment). God has allowed me to be a part of loving 8 young men into a relationship with Jesus. It's not always easy but it's the adventure of a lifetime. I live in a community of people who love God and us in a way that shines His light for all to see. I am blessed by my family at home and a mountain of friends whom God has used to shape me into the person I am today.

Most recently I'm thankful for this medical process due to cancer surgery that I've been through and continue to go through. I've seen God move in my life and grow and mature me in a way that I don't believe would've happened if it weren't for this suffering. I've seen God use me in unique ways in my time back in Cincinnati to love and care for friends and family. Through all of this I have experienced God in a deeper way and have a greater sense of His love for me. I can also say that I am more deeply in love with my Heavenly Father today than I was 5 months ago. Of course, in my flesh there are times when I want to be done and healed and back to "normal." However, when I stop and reflect at all that has happened I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing.

What Do I REALLY Hope For?

2010-11-15T21:04:00.001-05:00

Today I was sending a friend a message through FB when something I wrote suddenly seemed glib and inappropriate. I typically start any correspondence with friends, family, or anyone with something like, "I hope you (and yours) are doing well." It seems like a nice way to start and for years I have done this thinking to myself that I want to always start my correspondence with others thinking about them and what I hope for them instead of just launching into business or whatever the correspondence is about. It seemed very Christian-like of me.

However, as I was writing these same words for the millionth time today it seemed I was writing something that I didn't really feel or that made sense to me. I should say that I felt it but it seemed to be lacking something. Of course, I want my friends and family to be doing well but what does that really mean. I guess in the back of my mind I've always thought that "WELL" meant things like being safe, being financially sound, being healthy, having healthy relationships, being a part of a growing ministry, and other circumstantial things.

In light of my circumstances over the last 4 months God is teaching me to pay less (or absolutely no) attention to my circumstances. God is God and He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow and His concern for us is NOT that we are WELL but that we are becoming more CHRISTLIKE, learning to grow in His love and learning to love Him and others as we walk this beautiful planet He has created. THAT is what I want for my family and friends. I want them to be growing in the knowledge and love of our Lord Jesus Christ and learning to surrender all for His glory. I want to see them loving our Father more and more and making decisions that reflect and demonstrate their passion for Jesus.

Regardless of your circumstances (and I don't say this unsympathetically to people suffering life's hardships), I REALLY hope for THIS(previous paragraph) to be true in your lives today and everyday.

Growing in His love,

JJ (a follower of Jesus Christ, a beloved son of our Heavenly Father and a man with whom the Great King is well pleased - Matthew 3:17)

Welcome Home

2010-11-13T10:53:00.000-05:00

Several of our staff and boys from our house met JJ at the airport last week to welcome him home. We are grateful for the support of our community and exceedingly grateful to have JJ home. He has been missed by all!

God's Love & Stolen Mirrors

2010-11-08T22:27:00.001-05:00

Well, after 4 months of medical craziness I have returned to my family, my boys and the community I love. I have been here for 2 days now and although I feel like I still have some adjustment to undergo, I am resting more and more in being where I believe God has called me to be. I have spent lots of time hugging and loving on my beautiful wife and kids. I have also started the process of connecting again with the boys. It's obviously easier with the boys we've had for awhile but fun to start developing those new relationships with the boys who have just moved in. I love our B2B community and it's so good to be home with them as well. I'm so blessed by and thankful for this community and how they have loved and served Mandy while I've been away. There's no way she (nor the 8 boys) would've survived if it weren't for their care and support. I wanted to give a special shout out to Darren & Hannah Fay who stayed at our house and took good care of the boys in our absence. They are all-stars and we love them.

I'm feeling much better from a medical standpoint. I'm able to eat most things now and the sores in my mouth have mostly healed up. I can't taste a whole lot but that will slowly come back. I have chronic dry mouth that I may have to deal with for the rest of my life. I still have 2 spots where the infection I have is draining so I have to constantly where bandages. The docs say it should heal up over the next couple of months. The plan for me going forward is that I'll return for doctor appts on January 11th and if the docs think I'm healed up enough after checking me out through x-rays and CT scans then they will do my follow-up surgery. In that surgery they will hopefully accomplish a number of things: take out the metal piece that is stabilizing the bone they took out of my leg to reconstruct my jaw, trim down some of the tissue in my mouth so I look less like Jay Leno, and do some touch up cosmetic work on my face. I've been told that they can accomplish all that through one simple (comparatively speaking) out-patient surgery. I'm guessing if they do that surgery in January I'll be in town for at least a week or so.

Many friends have asked how I'm processing this whole medical adventure I'm on with respect to my relationship with God. I'll share just a couple of things because God has been doing a lot. I've had to wrestle with some things in my life that I know I need to surrender to Him, like some fears I have about my health in the future and about being alone. I feel like I'm still working on the idea of God being sufficient for me. I've prayed a lot over the last couple of years that God would overwhelm me with His love and that I would really know it and experience it in new ways. He has definitely answered that one. I can say that I have a greater sense of God's love for me and that I am more in love with Him now than when I started this process 4 months ago. I talked in a previous post about wanting to get to a place like Paul who wrote that he had learned the secret of being content in any and every situation because he knew that he could do all things through God who gave him strength. I can honestly say that I've grown a ton in my desire to live out Luke 9:23 and to live my life less focused on myself and more focused on Him and others. I want to glorify Him and usher in His Kingdom even in the midst of difficult circumstances.

I had a funny little reminder that the enemy isn't going to let up just because I've had a difficult time medically. I'm back at home and in the battle for the hearts of the young men who God has given us and the enemy doesn't like that one bit. While we were in church on my first full day back in Monterrey our sideview mirrors were stolen for the second time. Of course it was frustrating but I just had to laugh. Going through what I've been through the last several months has allowed me the perspective that troubles will come but He has overcome this world. God is much more concerned with the state of our heart than the circumstances in which we find ourselves. So in the midst of attack I refuse to be discouraged and will choose to trust Him, love Him, and praise Him.

It's Messy

2010-11-02T18:43:00.000-04:00

Oh this phrase describes so many things in my life right now; my house, my laundry, my emotions, my desk, my car...even my hair! But this week I am struck by how it so accurately describes our lives as believers. If we choose to believe and follow Jesus Christ we will strive to pattern our lives after Him. In that pursuit we discover that the concept is simple, straightforward and clear but the process of walking it out can be altogether MESSY.

It seems I hit this wall a couple times a year where emotionally I just can't take it anymore. Where the call to pour myself out, to love sacrificially, to divide myself 10 ways just gets too much for me. Loving my foster sons is messy. I am called to do my best for them, to love them as unconditionally as I can and to expect little in return. And sometimes it is so hard. Sometimes they hurt me. With their indifference, with their words, when they pull back as I try to press in. It's normal but it's hard. They are teenage boys most of whom have never been loved well. Often they don't know how to respond, what to do with it. Most of the time I get it, I can handle it. But every so often I crumble under the emptiness of it all. Of all the giving and little receiving.

I get hurt. Then I cry. Then I plead and bargain with God. Then I question the manner in which I have loved them all along. Maybe I've been wrong, maybe I need to do it differently. Then I plead and bargain with God again...this is the way He made me. I don't know how to love them less, differently. To hold back my heart from them. Then I plot and plan how to do it. How to hold back, how to "guard my heart" from them. How to survive with out getting hurt. Then I plead and bargain again. I know I can't do it that way. I can't hold back from them. It's not who I am and frankly it's not how He loves us. So I just grieve it for a couple days. I give myself a little space from the boys and drag my grieving heart back to the Lord for yet another repair job. And then I go back. Back to messy, back to vulnerable to pain, back to giving my heart to them again. It's messy.

A sweet friend and I were talking about the messiness just this week. We talked about how really, we aren't called to "guard our hearts" from others. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life". We are called to guard what we allow into our hearts; things of the world, things of the enemy, our thought lives etc. But we aren't called to guard our hearts by holding back from others. Instead He calls us to pour ourselves out, like drink offerings. John 15:12-13 "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." After all that is what He has done for us. It's hard, it's sacrificial and frankly it's messy. We get hurt.

So here I sit, thinking of my messy life. I grieve the heartache of loving and not always being loved back. I throw myself at the feet of my God & King in desperation as I wait on Him to fill me back up. And then I go back...to the messiness. Is there any other way, really? Yes, there is. I have lived a non sacrificial life. One where although I loved and followed God, I rarely gave of myself until it hurt. I would give time, money etc where there was excess to give. But I held back. Protected myself and my stuff. It was neat, tidy, not all that messy but really not all that meaningful. And in the messy life I find God in a way I never experienced in my tidy life. In the mess, I am so aware of my weakness, my sin, my need and so overwhelmed by His power, His mercy, His love.

Loving and caring for others is messy, but it's what He has called us to. Won't you consider how you join the mess? This week I am thinking of all the orphans. Other kids outside my house who don't have someone willing to enter the mess with them. This Sunday, November 7th, is Orphan Sunday, a day created by the Christian Alliance for Orphans to honor the 148 million orphans in the world. It's a time to spotlight ministry to orphans and a doorway to enter into the mess. Consider it, friends, and join me.
Check out the B2B Ministries blog for more info.http://back2backministries.wordpress.com/

More Medical Fun

2010-10-26T20:28:00.000-04:00

I've now been free from radiation treatments for a week. Yahoo!!!! The side effects are still present but there are some things that are improving. My lips aren't so burnt and blistered and some of the sores in my mouth seem to be improving. I'm still mostly eating soft stuff though and don't have much of an appetite. My skin is healing and the color is slowly moving back to that pale color I was born with.

The last couple of days I developed some tightness and pain along one of my suture lines in my neck. The docs had been concerned with infections developing because of the radiation and its interaction with the metal piece I have in my mouth to help reconstruct my new jaw. I called the doc yesterday and shared my new development and we decided to let it go another day or two to see what happens. However, after a long night of more pain and stiffness I realized I needed to get into the doc. As I was changing my bandages on my chin this morning I noticed something along that suture line that looked like a big white head. As I went to press on that area a little bit large quantities of infected coffee colored liquid came shooting out of my neck. Sorry, I know this is gross. I was a little freaked out and thus the call to my doc.

After the doc reviewed the infection he determined it was nothing more than another radiation related infection that we would have to wait out. I guess in the end I feel a little relieved that it wasn't more serious and the pain and tightness are better now that the majority of the infection has been drained. Again, I know that's gross. Sorry about that.

Last One

2010-10-20T14:10:00.002-04:00

JJ completed his last radiation treatment today....WOHOOOOO! Now we are praying that the healing process kicks in quickly so he can come home! Thank you to everyone for your amazing support. We have been truly blessed by it.

B2B Fall Banquet

2010-10-18T11:49:00.000-04:00

Back2Back Fall Banquet is Thursday Nov. 11 at 6:00pm. It will be a great evening of stories, sharing the vision of the ministry, and lots of great food from Mexico, Nigeria, and India! And a GREAT opportunity to learn more about why we do what we do here in Mexico. Spread the word, bring a friend and help us invest in more orphans around the world!

Good News Bad News

2010-10-14T20:32:00.000-04:00

The good news is that I only have 4 more radiation treatments to go. God has been super faithful during this difficult process. I will stick around after radiation for a couple weeks and then I can head back to Mexico. I can't wait to get home to my family.

The bad news is radiation is kicking my butt. The side effects are in full swing. My mouth has gotten significantly more sore and dry and it's really difficult to eat. I pretty much can't taste a thing at this point. I'm supposed to maintain my weight but I've lost almost 10 lbs. in the last week. I never thought I'd say this... I'm trying to eat but it's hard. My throat is starting to get sore and that's making eating and drinking more difficult. I feel very fatigued but I don't have anything to do so that's a good thing.

I know God will see me through the rest of this process. I so appreciate all your prayers and support.

Roller Coaster Ride

2010-10-08T22:28:00.000-04:00

As Mandy posted, I got to spend a long weekend back at home in Mexico with my family. I know the time was super encouraging to me and gave me a boost to finish up radiation and my time here. I feel it was also encouraging to Mandy and the kids and reminded the boys that I haven't abandoned them and will be returning home soon. The look on the boys' faces as I came in the back door was priceless. It was a look of complete incredulity but then all 7 that were there got up to give me hugs. It was a sweet moment for all of us. Can I also say here that my wife is incredible. She is managing more than any one person should have to but she is doing a great job. I have never been someone who wants to be in a position of really needing someone else (It's baggage folks.) However through this process I have become acutely aware and content with the fact that I NEED my wife. You see God really does use all things to grow us and mature us so that we will lack nothing. I love my God and the perfect wife He has provided me.

Of course I don't need an excuse to want to go home and be with my family but there were several things that happened in the last week that pushed me over the edge to make the decision to go home. The first was a doctor's appt. with one of my ENT oncologists in which he told me he would need to see me a couple of weeks after radiation was over. This was new (and depressing) news for me. I had originally thought that once radiation was over I could get on a plane home. The news knocked the wind out of me. As I processed what that meant and heard the disappointment in Mandy's voice as I told her the news, I thought for the first time about flying home to surprise my family.

Later that week while meeting with my radiologist I got some more fun news. We were talking about the side effects of my radiation (I'll share more in the following paragraph) and he told me that I would lose all but maybe one of my salivary glands. This will render me with permanant dry mouth and force me to carry a water bottle with me at all times which will also cause me to be running to the bathroom much more than usual. OK, I think to myself. Not fun but I can survive that. The next blow came when he said I would never eat spicy or acidy food ever again because it would irritate my mouth. I LIVE IN MEXICO PEOPLE. It's hard to find food that's not spicy in Mexico. I was expecting side effects of the radiation during radiation but wasn't prepared for there being long term effects. I felt a little angry and overwhelmed at how this would effect my life. It was a done deal, I was heading home. I needed to see my family.

As of now, I look and feel extremely sunburnt from the radiation on the bottom half of my face. My lips are dry, cracked and blistered from the treatment. The inside of my mouth is sore and it's difficult to speak and eat at times. I have lost almost all of my ability to taste (this will come back slowly after radiation). My mouth is dry due to the salivary gland thing and I'm never without water nor far from a bathroom. I'm also feeling more fatigued. I have 8 more treatments to go. My last one is scheduled for October 20th.

I hope I don't come across as complaining. This process has been difficult and at times I've felt very overwhelmed. I wanted to share what I'm going through physically and emotionally but know that I am still trusting God and I have seen his faithfulness and love in the midst of all the difficulty. It's not about me and I pray that God would be glorified through my suffering. Just so you know, I have seen this already and God has encouraged me in many, many ways. Thank you Jesus.

Re-entry

2010-10-04T12:08:00.000-04:00

Well, re-entry has been tough. While I am thrilled to be home, the first few weeks back have been hard. I am outrageously thankful to my mom for driving back the last half with me to Monterrey and hanging for a couple days to help us get settled. She didn't see much of Monterrey except the view from my house but I wouldn't have survived that week without her. Because of Mexican Independence Day, all 10 kiddos were off school for the first 5 days I was home...WOW! It's tough unpacking, grocery shopping, cooking and settling in with EVERYONE in the house. The following week both Sofia & Nico were sick and missed most of the week of school. Then I got sick. ROUGH week. So super thankful to my community for cooking for me, following up my boys, watching my little kids, picking up groceries, taking all my boys for the weekend ( I LOVE TIM & KATHY COUCH) and even delivering Gatorade to my door when I was too sick to get out.

Emotionally it's tough too. I, alone, am carrying the responsibility of 10 children in my house. Even with all the help from awesome community, I can feel so overwhelmed at times. And man, oh man, do I miss my HUSBAND. He is needed in our family and so missed. I am thankful that I can trust God to fill in the many gaps I leave...especially in this season. He is faithful, He knows my situation and He loves all 10 of these kids/teens way more than I ever can. He will provide for them. I can trust Him. And that is what keeps me going!

JJ was able to come this past weekend for a surprise visit. It was life giving to our entire household to have him home with us. At times, it made it so painfully evident to me how much he is missed, by all of us. And what an important role he plays in the lives of each and everyone of us. It felt so right to have him home. I have always said I can be "at home" anywhere as long as he is with me and we have our kiddos. This weekend we were all "home" and I am so grateful. It was such a joy to have him with me and watch him with the kids and boys. I felt like I could breathe, I could relax, I could share the load of responsibility with him. JJ is such a rock for me. As long as he is here, I feel safe, secure and I know I can do it. I am sure God will use this season to remind me that HE alone is my true rock. Even when my man, my partner, cannot be here with me...my God will never leave or forsake me. He will hold me up with His righteous right hand. PRAISE HIM!

I am incredibly sad to have said goodbye to my man this morning but I am grateful for all the ways God continues to provide. I have an awesome community here supporting me and holding me up. I have an awesome network of friends and family praying & encouraging us both. The weather is GORGEOUS today and I have a clear view of the mountains. Everyone in my house is well, going to school today and I actually had time to sit at my computer to write. I am blessed!

Suffering & Maturity

2010-09-26T21:00:00.000-04:00

It shouldn't seem strange that suffering and trusting God in the midst of difficult circumstances have been themes in my life over the last couple of months. I thought I'd share a few things God has brought to mind over these last several months. When I found out I had cancer God took me to Philippians. There were a couple of verses in chapters 1 & 4 that challenged me. Remember Paul is writing this from prison.

Phil. 1:20,21 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always CHRIST MAY BE EXALTED in my body WHETHER BY LIFE OR BY DEATH. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
Phil. 1:29 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, BUT ALSO TO SUFFER FOR HIM
Phil. 4:11-13 ... for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation... I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

This process hasn't been fun and I certainly have asked God some difficult questions in this ordeal. I have had doubts and have cried more than my fair share of tears over my frustration with my circumstances. I also understand that it's human to want to NOT suffer. However, I've come to the conclusion that not only is it a normal part of our journey with our Heavenly Father but it's something we should welcome and cherish. (Has JJ just lost his marbles? maybe, maybe not Just so you know, I'm officially off any pain meds.)

About a month after surgery, God reminded me of a passage in James 1.

James 1:2-4 CONSIDER IT PURE JOY, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work SO THAT YOU MAY BE MATURE AND COMPLETE, NOT LACKING ANYTHING.

Again, I recognize in our flesh that nobody wants to suffer. But I have to ask the question. Is the goal for our life comfort or Christlikeness? I confess that I want to be comfortable but I'm realizing that God can do way more through my suffering than He could ever do through my comfort. I want to be mature and complete in HIM and it seems the Kingdom of God pattern for that is suffering and perseverance in the midst of that suffering.

I'm hoping I (and all of us) move closer to walking in the attitude of Paul in Philippians that says whether by death or life or whatever circumstances may come, CHRIST MAY BE GLORIFIED. I know that God is using these circumstances in my life to grow and mature not only me but others as well. But at the end of the day, it's not about me. MAY CHRIST BE GLORIFIED!!

Slacker wants to go home

2010-09-23T16:44:00.000-04:00

I apologize for how long it has been since we updated our blog. Mandy and the kids have arrived safely home to Mexico and she is swamped with the responsibility of taking care of 10 kids by herself. She probably won't have much time to update the blog and I simply have no excuse for not doing it myself. So here I go. I promise I'll try to be better in the future.

There is much to chat about but I'll save some of my emotional and spiritual updates for another post. I'm just going to share the details about where I'm at in my treatment. My radiation treatments are Mon. through Fri. for about 15 minutes. Having my head locked in a hard plastic mask has gone better than anticipated. I thought valium was going to be necessary but God has been gracious (as always). I just finished treatment 12 of 30. My last treatment is scheduled for October 19th. Please keep praying for the side effects of the radiation. I'm already experiencing some dry mouth and sores in my mouth that won't go away. I'm still eating and sleeping well though (more of God's grace).

Today I went to see one of the docs who performed my surgery and got good news that all seems to be healing up nicely and that any follow up surgery would be outpatient and nothing compared to what I've already been through. I've been feeling anxious about spending more time in the hospital (not my favorite place to be). I did, however, receive a bit of bad news as well. My hope was that after radiation I could return home to Mexico. The doc told me that he wanted to see me 2 weeks after radiation was finished. The radiation is keeping some things from healing and causing other problems. I guess they want to make sure I'm returning to healing up after radiation stops and that takes a couple of weeks. I'll confess that I'm fighting back the tears as I write this. I love seeing family and friends here in Cincy but this is not my home and I'm not with my family. I want to go home!!! (more to come...)

Heading Home

2010-09-08T22:44:00.000-04:00

JJ has started radiation. He has daily treatments that only last about 15 minutes. He is super glad that the treatments are short and so far he is handling them well. The plan is to have treatment 5 days a week for 6 weeks. As of now he is scheduled to finish treatments around October 18th. The doc is being proactive and giving JJ an antibiotic to start now. Apparently the metal in his jaw could react to the radiation and an infection could develop. Please pray this doesn't happen. An infection could affect his ability to receive radiation so the doc says he would hospitalize JJ with IV antibiotics if he had to in order to make sure he could continue with radiation. OUCH! As you can imagine, JJ is NOT excited about that idea. So we are praying he stays infection free! Overall, he is doing well. Eating and getting around. He still has some soreness in the jaw and arm but his leg is healing well.

The kiddos and I leave tomorrow for the trek home to Monterrey. We are a bag of mixed feelings. It's tough when you feel like you have two homes and you aren't totally at home either place. We are SO SAD to leave JJ behind but glad to be getting home. Please pray for our safe travels and for this hard season of separation and transition. Pray for JJ during this season. We are hoping the radiation side effects will be minimal but emotionally it's tough too. We are thankful for such an awesome family and friends who will continue to support him here.

Thank you for all your support, prayers, meals, encouragement, cards, financial support and moments of fun too! We have been OUTRAGEOUSLY blessed during our time here in the states and we are super grateful.

Phase 3 here we come...

2010-08-26T22:09:00.000-04:00

JJ is feeling so much better. The ability to eat has been such a boost! Two good doc appointments today and even eating out at a restaurant with my dad and step mom. Yesterday a trip to the park and ice cream with the kiddos...Sofia wanted to wait until Daddy could go too. :) Might have overdone it a bit today so he'll hanging in the chair tomorrow to rest up! Had his mask made for radiation treatment today. It turned out not to be nearly as bad as he thought...yeah! Thinking he'll start radiation next week or the week after. Phase 3 here we come...

Tube LESS and loving it!

2010-08-24T16:48:00.002-04:00

We had a great visit to the doc today. JJ went in with 3 tubes and came out with NONE! JJ lost the trach, the wound vac and the feeding tube all in one visit...YES! Had his 1st official meal in over a month today...chocolate pudding. The Lails are celebrating today!

Progress

2010-08-17T14:04:00.000-04:00

We had an encouraging visit with the doc today. JJ's wounds are healing well and the transplant looks great. Doc says we may lose the trach next week...WOHOO! Encouraged to see my man encouraged by some progress. We meet with the radiologist next week. Starting to think about when I will head home...so many mixed feelings on that one!

Letters from Home

2010-08-15T21:49:00.000-04:00

The other day we got some cards in the mail. Darren & Hannah had our boys write us some cards and then Beth brought them to the States for us. I was so emotional to read them. I do foster parent teenage boys you know. Not exactly the highest communicators, especially in a second language.

Out of my original group of boys, one is very sensitive, emotional and communicates his feelings. We have a strong relationship with him and he can easily communicate that with us. The other 3, well, it's a bit different. They just aren't as open and communicative with their feelings. I know we have bonded with them, but they don't often express it openly. So I open the first card from one of my quieter boys and read the first sentence... "los quiero mucho". I am still undone by these 3 little words. They mean "I love you a lot".

I literally cried with joy as I read them. You wouldn't think it would be such a big deal. But let's face it, I am a bit emotional these days. And I love those stinky boys with a fierceness that could only come from God. I am immediately struck by how far we've come in our year and half together. All 3 of my less communicative ones say "I love you" in their cards. I just sat on the bed and cried. It's 1st time any of these 3 have said "I love you" to one of us.

I started telling them that I love them over a year ago. It started with hellos and goodbyes from trips, it moved into hard conversations about behavior or attitude and then it showed up with a hug at unexpected moments. At first they tolerated it, then I think they liked it and right before I left for the States...I actually got a couple "me too" responses. But now, here it is, on paper "I love you".

I am so encouraged by these words. Not just because it shows the progression of our relationship with our boys but because of what it says about them. The Lord reminded me that my boys have experienced love in our house. It's not perfect, it's messy at times... but it's love. I feel such encouragement and satisfaction that they have seen it, they have felt it and God willing they won't settle for less in their lives. My boys haven't seen a lot of great examples of love but God has shown up for them in this way. He orchestrated our lives to settle us in Monterrey, Mexico where we could do our best to show them even a glimmer of the love our God has for each one of us.

It's like all of a sudden, I know. They've seen it, they've felt it...they know what it can look like. They can even express it back. I don't know if I am adequately explaining the impact it has had on me. But to me, it's such an important VICTORY! And I am rejoicing in it :)

Support our medical expenses & have some fun!!

2010-08-15T06:00:00.000-04:00

J.J. Lail Benefit Concert

August 21st @ 7pm

Location: Lakota East High School

6840 Lakota Lane, Liberty Twp 45044

Featuring

the Avalons

Rock and Roll Oldies Sensation

Doors open at 5:45pm for a silent auction

$10.00 per person

Children under 8 donations only

J.J. is a missionary with Back2Back Ministries serving in Monterrey, Mexico. He was recently diagnosed with jaw cancer. He had to endure extensive reconstructive jaw surgery to make sure they removed all the cancer. J.J. has no health insurance, so please come out and support J.J. and his family so they can get back to doing God's work.

Donations by check, can be made out to J.J. Lail Benefit or you can stop by any 5/3 Bank and make a donation.

boys, boys, BOYS!!!

2010-08-14T15:27:00.000-04:00

While I have been keeping you all up to date on JJ's treatment and recovery, I haven't talked to you all much about what's going on at home...Casa Juan.

Darren & Hannah Fay, our fellow staff at B2B Monterrey and good friends, have been holding down the fort at Casa Juan while we have been away. They are incredible folks. Please pray for them during this season because it has been a HUGE job. Not only are keeping the house running and supporting our boys, they are welcoming in our newest boys, helping them get settled in school and even hosting 2 boys from another house while their house parents are visiting the USA. Like I said...HUGE job! We are so thankful for them and to them!

So let me introduce you to boys 5, 6, 7 and 8...yes 8! By the time I get back to Monterrey we will have a full house with 8 boys!!

#5 ~ The week before I left Chuy moved in. Chuy (Jesus Mario) was living at Casa Hogar Douglas previously. He is attending Prepa 20 with Homero and Marcos. So far, Chuy has been an easy fit into our house. Because of the time we spent at Casa Hogar Douglas we already had a relationship with him and he is determined to jump right in. This is Nico & Chuy below:

#6 & #7~ Adan & Camilo were both living at Casa Hogar Imperio de Amor before moving into Casa Juan about 2 weeks after I left! Adan & Camilo also gained entrance to the Prepa 20. They are attending the morning program which is high school with an emphasis on electrical work. Camilo also lived at Casa Hogar Douglas so we do know him a little already as well. We spent a few weekends with Adan in the house this summer and look forward to getting to know him better.

#8 ~ Jaime currently lives in one of the government orphanages(DIF). Jaime will be attending a high school in Monterrey that is new to our program. We are hopeful it will be a good fit. We have spent some time with Jaime this summer and look forward to him joining the mix! He will be moving in this week!
Photo below(left to right): Marcos, Gaby, Mario, Adan and Jaime

Photo above ~ Camilo & Adan at their middle school graduation

So there you have it...the new dynamic at Casa Juan...full house! I have been keeping up with the boys via skype and facebook chat while away but it's hard. I hate being gone a long time. I hate not being there to welcome my new boys. And I frankly I hate not being there as a new house dynamic settles in. But that's all about me RIGHT?! While I am nervous about returning to my full house some time next month and single parenting TEN until JJ can return, I know I can trust God with that too. If I can trust him with JJ's health, our financial needs and this season apart...I know I can trust Him to sort out our return as well. Please pray for the boys in this season of transition. God knew that we would have this season apart. I am praying that God will use this season to draw them to Himself.

Home Again and updates

2010-08-12T18:56:00.000-04:00

We are OUT of the hospital once again, getting settled back into our home health care routine and hoping NOT to return to the hospital again. :)

As it turns out our 50% discount from the Hamilton County Levy has been applied to all our expenses for the hospital, doctors etc. However the secondary grant has been accepted by the doctors office only at this point. We are super thankful to have that portion covered but are hopeful the hospital will honor it as well. I faxed them the info today. Please pray with me that they will apply the additional discount. We have certainly racked up the charges there!

We are excited about the Benefit Concert coming up on the 21st. Please join us for a fun night and spread the word! We have lots of fun stuff donated for the silent auction; baskets full of all kinds gift certificates and goodies. You don't want to miss it! Everyone welcome.

After talking with a CPA, we have realized that the donations to the Fifth Bank JJ Lail Benefit Account are NOT tax deductible. I am so sorry for any confusion. We still have full access to that account to use for medical expenses but all donations to it are considered gifts. If you really prefer a tax deduction you can give to Back2Back Ministries for our staff support account. These donations are tax deductible and we can use a portion of our staff account for medical reimbursements.
Make checks payable to Back2Back Ministries.
Please only put our account number, 141, on the memo line of your check.
Mail donations to:
Back2Back Ministries
P.O. Box 70
Mason, OH 45040

going home again...soon we hope

2010-08-11T16:49:00.000-04:00

JJ may get discharged tonight or tomorrow. Doc wanted him to take home his "wound vac" to ensure his neck keeps healing well. The take home machine costs about $3,000. We just got word from the company...they have agreed to donate one! Wohoo, God comes through again. Once we get set up with it...we'll be on our way home again.

Still in the hospital

2010-08-09T23:03:00.000-04:00

JJ is still in the Burn Unit. His spirits are better today. He slept better last night. Yeah, answered prayer! He will probably stay a few more days. Doc wants to make sure he is well on his way to healing the neck & leg wounds before sending him home. Dr. Patil said he was tired of JJ coming and going! Us too! So for now we hang here. Thanks for praying!

Burn Unit

2010-08-08T19:57:00.000-04:00

After surgery last night they brought JJ to the Burn Unit (ICU). Dr. Patil requested this unit because the nurses here are highly trained and experienced with skin & tissue grafts. JJ came through his late night trip to surgery just fine. They've got a special dressing on the neck wound that will stay for a couple days and it should be under control now. His fever is up again but they are able to get him comfortable with Tylenol and pain meds. His nurse today is a little concerned about how his skin graft on the lower leg is healing. She has bandaged it differently and is sending a sample away for testing. We weren't too excited for a longer hospital stay or the news that there could be complications with the graft. However we are thankful for a bed in the Burn Unit where they can keep a close eye on it.

JJ is feeling a bit down as you might imagine. 2 weeks after surgery and he is not nearly as recovered as he would like. He wasn't expecting at the 2 week mark to have had 2 more surgeries, to still have the trach and feeding tube and for possible graft complications. Pray for him.

The little peeps left today for a visit to my mom's house in Chicago. While all the help with them has been incredible, the pace of life around us has been crazy with the additional surgeries etc so we thought they might need a break. And I need one too. I haven't been able to sleep/rest a ton with all that's going on and I am hopeful with the stress of juggling/caring for the kids off my hands for a few days...I can get a little rest.

So thankful to all of you for your prayers and support,
Mandy

ER & OR

2010-08-08T07:40:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we had to go to the ER because JJ's neck wound from the follow up surgery (Thursday) started to bleed. After a couple hours in a wild ER trauma unit they decided to admit JJ and keep him overnight for observation. We got him settled in a room for the night and headed home. I had enough time to get the kids in bed, grab some quick dinner and then the hospital called to say they were taking JJ to the Operating Room. I guess the wound started to bleed again so they took him to the OR to find the bleeding vessel and tie it off. JJ's brother and I were on our way back to the hospital when Dr. Patil called me to say he was already finished...go home and go to bed. So, they've got it under control but JJ will spend the next few days in ICU where they can keep an eye on it as it heals. Been a crazy several days...hoping for a few more peaceful ones this week.

J.J. Lail Benefit Concert

2010-08-07T22:54:00.000-04:00

J.J. Lail Benefit Concert

August 21st @ 7pm

Location: Lakota East High School

6840 Lakota Lane, Liberty Twp 45044

Featuring

the Avalons

Rock and Roll Oldies Sensation

Doors open at 5:45pm for a silent auction

$10.00 per person

Children under 8 donations only

Tax deductible donations by check, can be made out to J.J. Lail Benefit or you can stop by any 5/3 Bank and make a donation.

Surgery #2

2010-08-05T12:44:00.000-04:00

Surgery #2 under our belt. All went well and they were able to close up the gap in tissue and clean out the fluids. Docs feel like they have that problem under control. Hoping JJ will feel a bit more comfortable now. At the hospital now, waiting to see him after recovery and then take him back to the house.

Follow up

2010-08-04T20:38:00.000-04:00

Well, we are back to University Hospital tomorrow for a follow up procedure. It's a one hour, out patient surgery to clean up some of the tissue transplant. The tissue is weak on one edge and it's allowing fluids to drain through into the neck. SO, they are going to clean it up tomorrow. We'll be home same day.

Pray for JJ's spirits. Overall he is doing GREAT but this little set back with the fluid/infection has him a bit down. I think he is tired of having a feeding tube, a trach and some oozy stuff in the neck area. Who can blame him right? It's just hard to have this stuff for an extended period. He has been a stellar patient and I am so proud of him for being so strong. But he is feeling a little down and his wife & kids seem a little frazzled so that's hard on him too. Praying especially that tomorrow helps clean up some things and make the rest of the recovery easier.

Love to you all!

Day One Down

2010-08-01T22:15:00.000-04:00

Day 1 of our in home recovery down. Wow...a little rocky at times but going so well overall. JJ continues to improve a bit at a time, even sitting with us at the dining room table for a bit today. And I have learned and done things I never thought I would...wowee! I can now officially say I can PUT IN, take out and clean a trach. Thank you Jesus for guiding my hands today...that was quite an experience.

So thankful that his mom, dad and I can do this together. So sad tonight for folks with serious illness and not the amazing support we have. Thankful for all of you.

Off to see the docs tomorrow afternoon. Slight concern about some of the tissue in his mouth. JJ will probably need a followup procedure to trim and clean up the tissue. We knew it was a possibility, so we will see what happens.

HOME

2010-07-31T19:28:00.000-04:00

We are home. :) JJ was discharged early this afternoon. He is doing well but a bit worn out by all the activity. It has been a BUSY day as we got lots of lessons on home care of his wounds, his trach, his feeding tube etc. Both at the hospital and the house. EVERYBODY is tired but glad he is home. Phase 1 complete...on to Phase 2 :)

We did get the pathology reports back on all his lymph nodes...ALL NEGATIVE for CANCER...WOHOO!!

We are super tired but grateful.
Mandy

Friday Update

2010-07-30T22:11:00.000-04:00

JJ is looking better and better each day. We never did move out of ICU today so they will probably discharge him straight from ICU tomorrow. Now we are trying to get ready for his arrival at the house. Been working with the case manager trying to secure the supplies and things we will need. Looking forward to having more of my family under the same roof.

Missing my boys today. It's Gabriel's birthday and sweet Hannah & Darren took all the boys out to celebrate. Bummed we weren't there but super thankful for them and the way they are taking care of our young men.

Some of you have asked...yes, the benefit account at Fifth Third is tax deductible. If you make your check out to "JJ Lail Benefit", you can later use the check as your receipt.

Thursday Update

2010-07-29T22:04:00.001-04:00

Another busy day for JJ (and me). They removed the last of his drainage tubes, he spent more time walking with the PT folks, IV changes & more blood tests for the fever. I got more instructions on cleaning/care of the trach, the bandages on his legs and his feeding tube. We had visits from the nurse manager, the social worker and several docs. Of course the docs only come before visiting hours or when I step out of the room to eat or return phone calls. ;) His 2 surgeons have been by multiple times this week to see him and you know how many I have seen them...ZERO. Oh well, thankfully the ICU has GREAT nurses and they keep me up to date.

According to the nurse (I was eating dinner with a sweet friend) the docs stopped by tonight and said if all goes well tonight, they will move him to the regular floor tomorrow and discharge on Saturday. Wow. It's great news for JJ. He is so ready to leave. Still a bit unsettling for us(his parents and I) as we will be his primary care givers. But it all the care seems pretty straightforward and we are just trusting God to walk us through this part as well.

Please continue to pray for rest for JJ. He had a bit of a reaction to the sleep meds last night. They made him really loopy and he tried to get out of his bed by himself in the middle of the night. He seemed kind of out of it most of the day but by the time I left he seemed more himself. He will NOT be taking any sleep meds tonight. So please pray he gets some sleep.

Wednesday Update

2010-07-28T20:20:00.000-04:00

Better day today. They downsized JJ's trach today. Initially a little panic but then he settled into using it and is MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE with this one. Praise Jesus! They also removed more drains and changed some of leg bandages. JJ walked down the hallway with a walker and without 2 different times. He is also getting up out of bed and moving to the chair with very little help. It's possible they will move him out of ICU tomorrow and the docs said he could possibly go home as early as Friday...wow! 10 hour surgery, 5 days in ICU, a regular room to home in one weeks time? Crazy, but could be true :)

JJ is in better spirits today and hopeful that he may sleep better tonight. Thank you so much for all the prayers!

Do not be silent

2010-07-28T06:00:00.002-04:00

The introverted homebody (me) is a bit overwhelmed by this whole thing but I have been soaking up my car time to the hospital. Just me and my worship music...it gives me a little window to pray, try to connect with the Lord and a little space to process/think. Yesterday I was praying for my boys and how they must be coping...being left behind at home. I was thinking about 2 in particular that I have not connected with over email/facebook. I was praying that they would know I love and miss them. Then yesterday I was able to facebook chat with both and remind them that they are loved and missed. What a blessing, I am so thankful for those moments.

Today I was feeling super tired as I drove to the hospital. All I could form as a prayer was "I need you today Jesus". My brain felt foggy and slow. The details of the situation are so many and so complex. This one simple phrase was all I could put together. It struck me that no matter how complex or simple my prayer, my God is the same awesome God. I am sure he enjoys when I pray long, passionately and specific...in fact I know He does. When I give of myself to intercede for others, He is surely pleased. But at the same time He loves my simple, heartfelt calling out to Him. He knows my heart, my every situation, every hair on my head. He know that the best I could give today was this one phrase. And in that He was surely pleased as well. Isn't that beautiful? He judges our hearts, not the eloquence of our prayers. And right away, I heard from Him. First a sense of joy and acceptance over my best effort at prayer this morning. And then a simple phrase from scripture that He continues to remind me of.."Do not be silent". Over the last several months this has meant many things to me but today I knew specifically He is asking me not to be silent about Him in the midst of this situation. I feel very strongly that He wants me to be honest and to share every place I see Him working in the midst. I know some of you are new to following our blog and have likely signed on to check on JJ's recovery. I am thankful you have. I just want you to know that as I have time I will also be sharing about how and where I see God working. He has asked me to and it's my pleasure to share how awesome He really is.

Later I began to ask God for some specifics. Things like strength, wisdom, patience etc. Just as I would list them off it was if He was saying "ya". In Spanish we use the word "ya" to mean "done, finished, ALREADY did it". It is how my boys answer when I ask if they finished a chore. "Ya". Already did it. The Lord gave me this sense that YA, He already given me each of these today. I remember breathing deep and saying thank you to the Holy Spirit. He intercedes and interprets. When I don't know how and what to ask for...he interprets my basic wishes to our heavenly Father. But the Lord also reminded me of how many are faithfully praying for us. I was (and still am) overwhelmed in gratitude for your prayers, friends. Each and every one. It was like I went to ask and the Lord said, "No need. They have already asked for you and I have already granted them". Your faithfulness in prayer has given me great strength and peace. If you know anything, know this...He hears your prayers.

Tuesday Update

2010-07-27T23:57:00.000-04:00

It's been a long day. JJ is healing and in so many ways doing so much better. All the docs & nurses comment on how well he is doing, on how good his stitches look etc. His pain was better today but the trach is still difficult. Please pray for his anxiety level. While he is breathing well and his oxygen is good, getting used to the trach breathing has been difficult. The docs/nurses compare it to breathing through a straw. He is getting all the oxygen he needs, his respiration levels are good, but to him it feels like he can't catch his breath. He is having a lot of difficulty sleeping now because he drifts off and then wakes in panic feeling like he can't breathe. We chatted with nurses and docs today about his discomfort. They cleaned his trach super well bunches of times and prescribed some sleeping meds. Please pray that his anxiety level would drop and that he could get some good, restful sleep tonight and nights to come. Tomorrow they are scheduled to change out his trach for a smaller one. This new trach has a slightly different set up and we are hopeful it will feel easier to breathe with the new one. Also he is till running a fever. He has had it since he arrived in ICU. They have done blood work and urine tests but yet to find the cause.

Tomorrow is day 5 in the ICU and the docs will come through to evaluate his progress. So far the tissue transplant to his jaw is looking great. They will downsize the trach, remove more drainage tubes, change the dressing on his leg wounds and probably move him to a regular room. When I know his room #, I'll let you all know.

He did have a few visitors today which was awesome. It wore him out a bit but did help keep his mind off his discomfort too. Thanks friends. Tomorrow may be a tough day with all the changes.

Many of you have asked how you can help. I'll be honest and say I taking it one day at a time, putting my feet on the floor each morning and going from there. It's a little out of my comfort zone to take things as it comes (I am a planner). But it's the best I can do right now. I promise when I have ideas about how I use help...I will reach out.

If you are interested in making meals once JJ returns from the hospital please send me an email or facebook message. A friend of JJ's mom has graciously agreed to coordinate all meals. Email/Message me and I will send you her phone number.

Many of you have offered to help with the kids...AWESOME!! I am still putting that together. While JJ is in the hospital, days with the kids have been pretty long so I have been rotating through family or close friends they know well. They are holding up great so far. When JJ comes home I will be up for shorter stints with more folks as well. So don't worry, I may still call you!!

For those of you interested in donating to his medical expenses we have set up a benefit account at Fifth Third Bank. You can go to any Fifth Third Bank and ask for the account under my name: Amanda Lail, for the benefit of JJ Lail. Or you can send things directly to us and we can deposit them in this account.

Many have asked to send cards etc. JJ is currently at University Hospital in ICU. He cannot receive much in ICU but when he moves to a regular room he can receive items. If you would like to send something to his parent's house (where we are living) email/message me and I will send the address.

Blessings to you all!
Mandy

Monday Update

2010-07-26T22:17:00.001-04:00

JJ is continuing to improve slowly. He spent more time in the chair today. He is much more alert, communicating by writing and already giving me a hard time about what time I show up to see him ;) More alert is good but also hard. I can interact with him now but he is fully aware of all his pain and discomfort now. Still has a fever but the blood tests haven't shown a cause yet. They will do some more tests. Docs say he will be in ICU until Wednesday. Then they will evaluate and probably move him to a regular floor. On Wednesday they will change his trach to a smaller one that will allow him to speak some. Pray for his comfort level with the trach. It is bothering him a lot.

Many have asked how I am...thank you for asking. I am okay. I am not sure I could answer that quickly. I am thankful for all the help. I am sorry I am slow to respond to many of your messages. Now with JJ more alert, I am spending more time in his room and there is no internet signal there. Everyday is a mad dash to get the kids and I ready, drive them to one of my awesome friends or family members, go to the hospital, pick the kids up, get them ready for bed, do a little laundry, give a few updates and collapse in bed. The next day...REPEAT. As you can imagine, I am tired. Thanks for all your prayers and support. We are so thankful!

Sunday Update

2010-07-25T19:45:00.000-04:00

Poco a poco, slowly but surely JJ is making progress. More time sitting up today and he actually was writing a few things on his tablet to communicate. So good to see a little life in his eyes again. He is running a slight fever but they sent away some blood work to check for infection. He is still having some pain but the meds are helping. Looks like he will spend at least 3 more days in ICU. Thankful for the AWESOME ICU nursing staff here at University. He is getting great care!

Saturday Update

2010-07-24T15:13:00.000-04:00

JJ's in ICU, awake, breathing without the ventilator and sat up for a couple hours in a chair. He still has the trach, the feeding tube and some drain tubes but he's making progress. He is in pain and still groggy but they are doing all they can to make him comfortable and get him moving a bit for a speedier recovery.

Out of Surgery

2010-07-23T19:38:00.000-04:00

JJ's out of surgery. According to the docs, they were no surprises, everything went as expected. They did have to take a bit more jaw and floor of the mouth than originally planned but the docs seemed confident that they got it all! It was a LONG surgery but he is on his way to ICU now. They will keep him asleep through the night and start waking him up tomorrow.

This morning I was a bit worried because his blood pressure was high. As it turns out the nurse says it actually helped during surgery. The higher pressure helped pump more blood to the tissue graft. The nurse said it was helpful as they tried to get the graft up and working. Isn't that just like God? He took the one thing I was worried about and used it for good. I LOVE THAT!

Feeling grateful for all the prayers and support. Hoping to see JJ tonight after a super long day. Thank you all. Will update again tomorrow.

At the Hospital

2010-07-23T08:34:00.000-04:00

We are at the hospital, got here at 5:30. JJ had a lovely time getting an IV and all prepped for the surgery. He is wearing a lavender gown, booties and a hair net. YES! I loved teasing him about his attire this morning. His mom got a photo :) They took him back to the OR at 7:30am. They should be getting started now. It will be a long day. The surgery should last until late afternoon/early evening. We have two surgeons who will cut out the cancer (taking out a portion of his jaw, tissue and some skin around the tumor) and reconstruct his jaw. They will also take out all the lymph nodes in his neck, a portion of bone/skin/blood vessel from his leg for reconstruction and if needed a skin graft for the chin area.

After surgery they will move him directly to ICU, specifically the burn unit. The plan is to keep him under anesthesia (and pain meds) over night and not "wake" him until tomorrow morning. He should spend at least a few days in ICU while they monitor the grafts for reconstruction. That is the reason for the burn unit, these nurses are highly trained in skin grafts and what they call the "flap". It's a graft of bone, tissue and blood vessels they harvest from his leg and graft in for the jaw reconstruction.

I am here with JJ's mom and dad, Jim & Kathy. We are settling in for a long day. Thank you so much for the prayers. As always we are so appreciative of any time you have spent beseeching our heavenly Father on JJ's behalf.

Today I am praying specifically for JJ's body; that it would respond well to all the trauma, medication etc. That all the cancer cells would be visible to these docs. That they would not miss a speck and be able to get all of it with this surgery. I am pray everything moves so smoothly with no complications. His blood pressure has been a bit high these last 2 weeks. Pray it won't be an issue and will come down during surgery.

Also praying for his surgical team today. I am been unbelievably impressed by all of them so far. Praying that God guides their hands, keeps them fresh and alert and allows them to use the amazing talent God has gifted them with! His doctors names are Dr. Patil and Dr. Casper.

More to come...

D-Day (July 23, 2010 7:30am EST)

2010-07-22T23:39:00.000-04:00

Family & Friends,

God has given me an incredible amount of peace in the midst of this entire process. He has shown himself to be every bit my loving Daddy who longs to heal me and take care of me. Lots of people have been praying for me and our family and offering various things to help us. All this has demonstrated the kindness, grace, and love of Christ. I want all of you to know that your prayers and support have been overwhelming to me and to our family. It gives me an incredible amount of joy to be a part of a community that has so reflected the Kingdom of God here on earth.

I hope all of you know that my desire is to stay in communication with all of you and keep you updated on my progress. I will do my best and Mandy will try to update this blog as often as she can. I ask for your continued prayers for healing and comfort for myself and my family.

God has brought me back to the book of Philippians over and over during this situation. This book has challenged me with living above or beyond my circumstances, suffering for Jesus, and surrendering all (I really mean ALL-my very life) to God because He is the only thing worthy of our praise and devotion. Here are some verses that God has put on my heart that I wanted to share with you all.
Phil. 1:18b-21
Phil. 1:29
Phil. 3:7-11
Phil. 4:4-7
Phil. 4:11-13

I love you all and consider it a privilege to know each one of you. My prayer for all of you would be that you continue to press into Jesus and to grow more and more in His grace and knowledge. I have complete confidence that our Father will do just that in all of your lives. Phil. 1:6

May God bless you and keep you,

JJ

Cincinnati

2010-07-20T10:13:00.000-04:00

We are here, we made it! The kids did great on the long trip and we even snuck in a quick visit to my dad...so fun. I didn't get a chance to go to the gun range with him, but maybe on my way back through. My sweet gun toting pappy has been waiting a long time to teach me how to shoot and I think I am ready. Sounds like a great stress relief doesn't it?! I can't imagine a better teacher either. After a quick visit to say goodbye to grandpa at the indoor range where he works, Nico announced that he wants to take "shooting classes". Well, when you are BIT older we have the perfect teacher for you...grandpa!

Please say a prayer for my family. Right after we found out about JJ's diagnosis, my Uncle Larry had a massive stroke. He's at home now recovering but it could be a long haul. It has been especially rough on my dad to see his big brother go through this and know his son in law is about to have major surgery and cancer treatment. That's a lot at once.

We will spend most of the next few days with family and then doctors appointments. The surgery is scheduled for Friday morning at 7:30 am. Please pray for JJ, his pain is increasing as it seems the mass is now pressing on a nerve. He can't take much medication these days before the surgery and it's getting more and more uncomfortable. We know it will be long road to recovery for him. I think the realities of what that will look like are settling in. Pray for his peace and joy in the Lord. He needs those to get him through.

On the Road

2010-07-18T09:58:00.000-04:00

We are on the way to Cincinnati. Put in a LONG first day, spent the night in Oklahoma City. Today will will arrive at my dad's house and tomorrow on to Cincinnati.

It was a crazy 24 hours for JJ back in Mexico but we spent time with the boys, finished up some house stuff, had a time of prayer for JJ and headed out 6am Saturday morning. I know it meant a lot to the boys to see him. Unlike normal he got multiple hugs from the boys. We talked more about the surgery and what was going to happen. We had a fun dinner out. It was a good evening with the boys and I know I feel much more settled about leaving. We are super thankful to our fellow staff, Darren & Hannah Fay, who have agreed to move in and support the boys while I am gone. They will do an incredible job and the boys will have so much fun with them.

Back on the road! We should be in Cincinnati Monday night.

Cincinnati to Mexico, Mexcio to Cincinnati

2010-07-16T01:16:00.000-04:00

JJ is on his way home...WOHOO! Just to turn around and drive back to Cincinnati with me and the kids. We are thankful the doctors approved his trip. It will give him a chance to see the boys again before his surgery. Only one knows he is coming home...it's a surprise to rest...sshhhh!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who have offered so many great options for us to get to Cincinnati. Please don't be offended that I didn't take you up on your offers...this solution is by far my favorite! I am so happy that the boys will get to spend a little time with JJ. It will be a long time before he can get back to Mexico so I know it will mean a LOT to them to get to see him. And I am thrilled to have a little "vacation" as our little family of four before JJ goes into surgery, recovery and radiation. I know most wouldn't see 3 days in the car with 2 kids as vacation but right now I am! I am so looking forward to being able to center my attention on my hubby and little ones for a couple days. Plus we'll get a chance to stop in and see my dad on the way back...always fun!

Thank you for all your prayers. The last 2 days with the boys have been really good. The last 2 nights in a row at least 4 if not 5 of the boys have hung out with me in our little upstairs office. Now I know they primarily come for the AC and faster internet but it has been fun times none the less. I have been able to spend a lot of time with my one who has been most stressed and that has been great. We have talked a lot and he seems much more at ease. One of my others had a chance to ask me some questions and even express his feelings a bit about JJ having cancer. Big stuff for my boys! I too am feeling much more at ease in trusting God with them over this stretch. I love them and I am jealous for them. I want to be here for them...not anyone else. But that's about me so I am trusting God that He will use this time to draw them into Himself. Maybe they rely too much on us and this will be a great opportunity for an open door for God. Pray they open the door and invite Him in!

I talked to JJ today and more blessings abound. His doctor's office helped him apply for financial aid through the Hamilton County Levy. He was approved and apparently they will be paying 50% of his medical expenses; doctor, hospital etc. WOW! Then the office applied for us to another grant and we were approved again! Apparently this one should cover the other 50% of all the hospital bills. WHAT!?!? If I understand it correctly we currently stand at 100% paid for the hospital and 50% for the doctors!! Amazing! I love how God blesses too. This sweet doc who said he didn't care if we ever paid him...is still going to get paid at least half for his services. Bless him! There is radiation treatment to cover as well...come on God...show us what you got!

Current need ~ It seems to help cut down on costs the doctor has planned that JJ spend his second & third recovery weeks at home(at JJ's parents house) instead of a step down unit/rehab center type facility. He seems confident that with my help and the help of family his recovery will progress just fine. I haven't had a chance to talk to my mother in law yet but I know it makes me slightly nervous. He will still have a feeding tube and a trach the first week home. SO, if any skilled nurses or doctors out there want to volunteer to make a house call that 1st week or so back...I WILL NOT turn you down. :)

I should get to bed. I certainly have not been this tired since Nico was a baby, waking up A LOT at night and Sofia was getting 2 year molars. WOW, maybe it's not quite that bad. ;) However I am super thankful. As always my God continues to show up for me. Yeah, the circumstances still stink and I'd take a complete healing right now, thank you very much...I am fine. I am more than fine. I am blessed to be smack dab in the middle of a work of the Lord. He is moving, answering, arranging, providing and showing Himself to a whole bunch of people. And I have a front row seat...pretty cool.

Prayer & Praise for B2B Monterrey

2010-07-14T15:44:00.000-04:00

Thursday July 22nd (7-8:30pm) there will be a Prayer and Praise Event at Vineyard Community Church Chapel(Cincinnati) for B2B Ministries and the devastation from Hurricane Alex on the communities we serve. Awesome opportunity to join others in praise and prayer for what God is up to here in Monterrey. Everyone is invited!

Prayer and Worship Service for Back 2 Back Ministries (B2B)

WHEN: Thursday, July 22nd - 7:00 - 8:30

WHERE: Vineyard Community Church Chapel

11340 Century Circle East
Cincinnati, OH 45246-3316

Prayer for the boys

2010-07-14T09:44:00.000-04:00

Today would you please join me in praying for our boys? They are starting to feel the stress of the situation and it's starting to show in their behavior. The unknown is hard and scary for anyone but when you add a history of abandonment, it really compounds the issue. I know this situation is starting to stress my boys. I don't know when I am leaving yet, we don't know for sure what will happen with JJ's treatment and we don't know for sure when we'll be back. That's hard on all of us. I am sure a few of them are afraid we'll never come back. And frankly so I am. I find myself begging God not only for healing for JJ but in such a way that we can get back here as soon as possible. It makes me feel literally sick to think of being yet another person who claimed to love these boys and then left.

I know I have to trust the Lord with them as much as I am able to trust God with JJ right now but I am struggling. I don't want to leave them for this long stretch. I want to promise them I'll be back, but I can't. What if I'm gone for a long time? I can't make a promise I might have to break.

So please pray for wisdom for me in the midst of this. I want to say the right things. I want to support the boys as much as I can through this time. I want to trust God with them and their hearts as much as I am trusting him with JJ. And please pray for the boys:

Homero
Marcos
Mario
Gabriel

and Chuy (Jesus Mario from Douglas) he just moved in this week to start school

and Jaime & Adan ~ they will be moving in while I am gone

and Camilo ~ he may be moving in while I am gone as well

So difficult, new boys coming while we are away. But God knew right? He knew long before we knew anything was wrong, that this would be the timing. I am searching for strength and faith to trust him with the boys today. Won't you pray for them? That gives me incredible peace as well.

Surgery date ~ July 23rd

2010-07-12T16:32:00.000-04:00

We learned this morning that JJ's surgery is scheduled for Friday July 23rd.

Right now we are busy working out the details for the kids and I going to the states and getting organized with coverage for the boys here while we are gone. We have been blessed by an incredible number of offers for help for us getting back to the states. Now we are just trying to work out the timing, details and decide which is the best option. We'll let you know!

Obviously we have been super excited about JJ's oncologist. It's truly a God thing the way we ended up with him and an additional blessing his willingness to work with our lack of insurance. In addition I recently received word that he is highly recommended among doctors for this kind of specialized surgery. A friend put the word out to some doctor friends when she heard of JJ's diagnosis. Her doctor friend recommended the UC ENT Cancer Center and specifically two doctors there. One of which is ours, Dr. Patil. Isn't that just like God? Not only did He open doors and lead us right to a generous doctor who was willing to help but one who is highly recommended in his field. What a blessing!

I have wavered back and forth about whether or not to share some of the things that have been offered to us in the midst of this situation. I don't want it to look like we are bragging or we think all this outpouring has the least bit to do with us...it does not. God knows our life paths from beginning to end. He knew we would encounter this hard road long before He crossed our paths with many people who are now choosing to pour out in generosity. It is a beautiful picture of the body of Christ giving to those in need. I want to give you a few examples of what's been happening...this is God at work through His people...

We have been offered...

countless frequent flier miles, vouchers or money to make the flights home
multiple people have offered to fly here to meet me and drive back or vice versa
multiple offers of cars to borrow while in the states
multiple offers of houses to stay in or even to rent one for us
countless offers by friends to take the kiddos for a bit while JJ is in the hospital
folks willing to contribute to a fund for medical expenses

And I cannot leave out my community, my B2B family who have...

prayed with and for me
watched my kids, played with my kids, fed my kids
done errands for me
made phone calls for me
arranged exams & school inscriptions for incoming boys to our house
taken additional summer responsibilities to cover both JJ and I
cooked & baked for our household
shared scripture, encouraging words, hugs and laughter with me
helped me sort laundry & clothing for my boys
advocating for us in every possible avenue
helped me process and make decisions

I am sure there is so much more...haven't had the clarity or time to sort through all my email and messages yet. But what it says to me is that God is so generous to me. This isn't the first hard road I have walked with Him, but certainly it's the scariest. My experience with Him is that while He always hears our prayers, He doesn't always alter our circumstances. He has a plan after all. I may not know what it is now or ever, but I trust the Grand Planner. And while He may not change the circumstances, I know if I press in, I will experience Him. I will see Him show up all over the place. And that He is!

My sweet man always asks me this question when my worry tendencies take over in a given situation..."What's the worst that can happen?" Well, you might be thinking there are some pretty big, ugly worsts in this scenario. That's true. But here is the real truth...

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

No matter what happens, we can't be separated from His love. We are bought, paid for, called, chosen. We are the son and daughter of the most High God. And in that I have incredible peace.

Love to you all! Thank you for praying...He is listening!

JJ has cancer

2010-07-10T00:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know, shocker of a title. But really, is there a gentle lead in to that news?

Some of you may have already heard but JJ was diagnosed with cancer this week. For the past year he has been struggling with some dental issues including an infection below his teeth in the gum line. After multiple procedures with the peridontist and multiple rounds of antibiotics they decided to do a biopsy on the mass that just won't go away. The biopsy shows carcinoma, cancer. JJ flew to Cincinnati Wednesday and met with an oral pathologist and he confirmed the biopsy results. He also met with an oral surgeon (and friend) who took some more scans of his jaw and has been working on getting JJ a referral to an oncologist.

God has been so gracious and worked through a new friend for a referral to an old friend who referred JJ to an amazing oncologist in Cincinnati. After his appointment today we are set with a treatment plan. JJ will have more tests done this coming Wednesday and surgery will be scheduled within the next 10 days. After an extensive surgery including removal of almost half of his lower jaw, a bone graft from his leg and reconstruction to the jawline JJ will spend about 2 weeks in recovery in the hospital. After that he will receive 6 weeks of radiation treatment. At that point the oncologist feels he could return home (to Mexico) and fly back to Cincinnati periodically for follow up.

While the whole thing is still unbelievable and overwhelming to me, I am so thankful that I can see God's provision already. The speed in which JJ was able to meet with these doctors; oral pathologist, oral surgeon, ENT and ENT oncologist is flat out amazing. In 48 hours in Cincinnati he has diagnosis confirmation, an oncologist and a treatment plan.

Even more amazing is the fact that we have no insurance for JJ...none. Not dental, not medical...nada. JJ has been upfront with each of these doctors about our inability to pay and they haven't seemed phased. This incredible oncologist has said...we are going to take care of this and I don't care if you ever pay me a thing. WHAT?!

I've said before and I'll say it again...God is so generous to me!

I am overwhelmed with gratitude to our community, family and friends. The messages and outpouring of support already have been so encouraging. I feel an incredible amount of peace and I know that is a direct answer to the prayers of many. THANK YOU!

The kids and I will be heading to Cincinnati some time in the coming week in order to be with JJ during his surgery. There are so many details and I selfishly want to ask you all to pray for all those but I know HE already has them planned out. So maybe instead, pray for discernment and wisdom for JJ and I to follow the path God has already marked out for us.

More updates to come...

Love to you all,
Mandy

Father's Day Thoughts

2010-06-21T16:26:00.000-04:00

I remember going through the process of picking names for our two kiddos. We spent lots of time looking up names and their meanings. In the process, I looked up my two names to see what they meant. For those of you who don't know, my name is my initials. J. J. = James Joseph
James - supplanter (to replace or supersede)
Joseph - God will increase
I didn't think much about about it. After all, my name meant "supplanter." What's that all about.
That brings me to yesterday morning, Father's Day. We had 8 boys in our house, 4 that already live with us and 4 new boys who will move in with us in August. In my morning quiet time God reminded me of my names and their significance.
I realized that by September, I would be a father to 10 kids (8 boys, Sofia, & Nico) who aren't mine biologically. God has me in a place where I'm living out the names He gave me through my parents. I am a "replacement" father to all of my kids and I would say 10 kids is "God increasing" alright. Just like God has adopted us into His heavenly family; I have the blessing of being a father to those who don't have one. At times this thing to which God has called us is difficult and overwhelming. However, I'm super thankful for God's reminder of who I am and that I'm doing what I have been created and named to do. I feel blessed and amazed at God's perfect plan for my life.

Happy Fathers Day!

2010-06-20T06:00:00.000-04:00

A GIANT Happy Fathers Day to my hubby and best friend. JJ, you are an awesome dad to our little peeps and the big boys as well. We all love you!

Happy Father's Day to our awesome dads/grandpas/uncles...Kerry, Jim, Ray, Matt, Todd, Robert and Michael. We love and miss you guys.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE MATT!!! We hope it's a great day!

Good News / Bad News

2010-06-09T20:55:00.000-04:00

I don't know which one you would prefer first but I usually want the bad news first because I want to end on a happy note. I'm not sure what, if anything, that says about me. Here we go with the bad. Our oldest boy, Pablo, has left the program. Things with Pablo had been a bit strained over the last several months due to certain circumstances in his life and also some attitude issues in our house. A month or so ago Pablo came home from his grandma's house and told us he wanted to move back in with her. We felt like he was running away from some of his responsibilities and felt very unsettled about him leaving. We, along with the directors, chatted with him over a couple of days and he decided to stay.

Since then God had allowed some healing in our relationship with him. We are very thankful for that time. Two weeks ago we went to San Antonio for a little pre-summer getaway and while we were gone Pablo went to his grandma's again. He was supposed to return on Monday but never showed. Mandy and I spent lots of time praying about what God wanted for us and for Pablo. We felt like God was communicating to us that we needed to let Pablo decide and in so many words, let him go. You can imagine that wasn't the answer we wanted. We love this boy who has become a part of our family and we wanted to pursue him but we felt like God said, "Wait." A week later on Sunday I (JJ) went to see if he was still at his grandma's. He was sitting on the couch watching TV. I sat on the couch and asked what he wanted to do and he communicated that he wanted to stay with his grandma.

Of course, in our flesh we wanted to fight for him and convince him to stay and give him the million and one reasons he should continue in the program but because of our prayer time and the words God had spoken to us, we felt a peace about letting Pablo go. I drove Pablo back to our place to get his stuff and away he went. I was able to tell him that we weren't angry and that we loved him and that he'd always have a place in our heart. We'll keep praying for Pablo and would ask you to do the same.

The good news is that God has been bringing about a spiritual revival here on our campus with the staff. God is healing long time wounds and releasing burdens long carried. Freedom is breaking out everywhere and it has just been simply awesome to see what God has been doing and is continuing to do.

God is doing the same in the lives of the teens who are in our Hope Program. Several months ago some of the older students in our program went on a healing retreat and God just blasted them. There was healing of old wounds, forgiveness received and given, and a desire to turn to God with all they are. When they came home another retreat was planned to see if the rest of the students wanted to come. The older students met almost every night to worship God and pray for the other students on our property. God answered their prayers and almost all of the students in our program went away for a retreat this last weekend.

As He so often does, God showed up. More students came into a relationship with their True Father in heaven and healing and forgiveness came flowing down. Here's a quick rundown of our 4 boys and what happened.

Homero - God has been getting a hold of this young man. God is breaking through the pains and consequences felt for years of bad decisions on his part and on others'. God is teaching him that He loves him unconditionally. Bit by bit God is changing his heart.
Mario - Mario was baptized. He hasn't shared much about it with us. That's typical for him but we are praising our faithful Father for what He is doing in Mario's life.
Marcos - He has lots of baggage in regards to things of God but he shared that there were a few things that were talked about that impacted him. The fact that he shared that much is radical stuff.
Gabriel - He said it was the most boring thing he'd ever been to and swore to never go to a retreat again. At least he was honest. We can see small ways that God is moving in Gaby but obviously not ready for a God blasting at this point.

Thanks for your continued love, support, and prayers. Keep praying for these boys and us.

Quiet

2010-05-13T06:00:00.002-04:00

So I have been pretty "quiet" when it comes to blog updates on our ministry here. It has been an interesting season for me. The honeymoon period is gone. Even some of the middle ground of wrestling with my own emotions in my role as their foster "mom" has passed. It's an interesting stage. We are past all the exciting first moments, past those first appalling moments of the smells, the mess... And as I grow in my own maturity in my role, I find it more and more difficult to share about my boys. Some of the things they wrestle with are deeply personal and I am sensitive about sharing too much. At the same time, God is at work...ALWAYS and I am asking Him to guide me on how to share His victories with you without giving away too much of my boys. It's important for you to hear so forgive my quiet as I sort out how exactly to do that. Updates to come...

Crafted Prayer

2010-05-12T17:25:00.000-04:00

Some of you may recognize this term "crafted prayer". I was first introduced to it by some materials from Graham Cooke (pastor/speaker/author). Here let me thank Kristine Hall, my Cooke dealer, he and you have had a profound impact on my spiritual growth...thank you. :)

The basic idea of crafting a prayer is to listen...WHAT?! For some of us our prayer lives look like a little praise & thanksgiving, a little asking for forgiveness and then we break out the LIST of requests. It's like a grocery list of needs, wants, woes and for many of us...it can dominate our prayer time. Can anyone relate? I can. Don't get me wrong, it's all good, He wants us to pray, He wants us to ask. But I have been growing in my understanding of prayer to be a time of conversation with the Lord. And it's not a great conversation if we are the one doing ALL the talking...just like in relationships here on earth. So Graham Cooke introduced me to this idea of asking/waiting/listening to the Lord. Let's ask Him what He is up to in a situation. What work He is already doing so that we may pray in accordance with His will. The Bible says

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. Jeremiah 12-14a

I love how this passage speaks to the nature of our relationship with God. He says He will listen to us. He says that if we seek Him with all our heart, He will be found by us. This motivates me to pray and seek Him more and more often. If I seek with my whole heart, I know what I will find...HIM!

As we prepare for our busy summer schedule with groups galore, JJ and I have started "crafting" a prayer for each of our boys. We are constantly in prayer for them...sometimes it's a desperate plea, sometimes a prayer of thanksgiving but more often recently I find myself asking "What are YOU up to his life Lord? Where are you leading him? What do you intend to do?"

I have been praying, listening, journaling and have asked a few others to pray as well. I intend to compile the thoughts and scriptures I have collected into a prayer for each of them. I know the craziness of summer will allow few quiet moments for me so I am being purposeful in compiling these prayers before it starts! Then I will have a framework for how to intercede on their behalf. Please pray for a spirit of discernment and revelation for JJ and I as we wait on the Lord!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

2010-05-09T10:18:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day to my mom Pat, my step mom Karen, my Mother in law Kathy, my aunts; Sandi, Judy, Marsha, Terry and Kay, my sisters; Tiffany, Magy, Lindsay, Kelli, Lisa, Kelli and all the rest of my mommy friends and family!!! Have a blessed day!

On this day I wish I could tell the birth mothers of my children thank you and wish them a wonderful day as well. They won't read this but I am thinking of them today. Happy Mother's Day!!

Nico

2010-05-02T23:45:00.000-04:00

I just have to say that my little four year boy is sweet, silly and exhausting all at the same time. Here are some Nico quotes from this week alone. They are just too precious not too share...

"Mama, why did God give you bobies and nickels?"

After a recent discussion of female anatomy. I have told him the correct terms numerous times but he insists on using these...

And while changing his shirt one day...

"Mama, I have BIG nickels!"

So hard to keep a straight face

While putting him to bed one night...

"Mama, I was scared in the belly."

Realizing he was thinking about a talk we recently had about his birth mother I said "You were scared in your birth mother's belly?"

Nico : "Yeah"

Me : "Why?"

Nico : "Cause you weren't there."

Aw, this boy is a heart breaker.

Then the other morning when I was rudely and insistently awakened by an impatient boy who wanted to watch a movie a 6:30am...he followed me to the bathroom and laid at my feet with his blanket. Rather annoyed that I couldn't even do this alone I said "Why are you in here?"

He matter of factly answers with "Where you go, I go."

MAN, that boy is a charmer!!

Dia de Ninos

2010-04-30T14:40:00.000-04:00

April 30th is the "Dia de Ninos" or Kid's Day here in Mexico. It's kind of like Mother's Day or Father's Day...but for kids of course. Instead of classes this morning, our kiddos school had a big party at a play place where they got hyped up on sugar and jumped around for 3 hours with their friends. :) That's an ideal school day for a 4 and 6 year old! For the Lail family it's extra fun because this weekend is also when we celebrate becoming a family!

6 years ago, at the end of April, is when JJ and I flew to Bogota Colombia to meet our sweet Sofia for the first time!

4 years ago, May 1st, we returned to Colombia and welcomed our man Nico to our little family!

Below are referral pictures we received of Nico and Sofia. Nico is just one month old in his photo and I believe Sofia just a few weeks. Also below our first family picture with Nico on the day we went to ICBF(Colombian childrens services) to sign and say YES, we want him! Then our first family photo with Sofia on the day we met.

We are so incredibly blessed to parent these sweet Colombianitos. This weekend we will be celebrating our little family!

Happy 40th Anniversary

2010-04-18T00:11:00.000-04:00

We wanted to say "Congratulations" to grandpa and grandma Lail on 40 years of marriage. Thanks for all the love, support, and prayers over the years. We wish you many more joy filled years ahead. We love you.

JJ, Mandy, Sofia, & Nico

New Family Photo

2010-04-17T22:01:00.000-04:00

Thank you Dr. Dobson

2010-04-08T15:50:00.006-04:00

I read this quote recently in the book Bringing up Boys by Dr. James Dobson. It's from chapter 3 entitled "So What Is The Difference?" referring to the chemical and hormonal influences in boys and girls. This section refers specifically to adolescence...

"Human chemistry appears to go haywire for a time. There's a tendency for parents to despair during this period because everything they've tried to teach seems to have misfired. Self-discipline, cleanliness, respect for authority, the work ethic, and even common courtesy may look like lost causes for several years. But better days are coming. The mechanisms that set kids aflame will eventually cool down. That's why I recommend that you not look too quickly for the person your child will become. It is also why I believe parents should seek to 'just get them through it' rather than try to fix everything that bugs them as parents."

Bless you Dr. Dobson! I am totally affirmed by your statements. They do seem haywire to me too. I am constantly praying that they would know Jesus and that He would get them through this season. JJ and I often say that we don't really expect our boys to change their behaviors much right now but we are so hopeful that one day they will remember what we have told them, that some day it will make sense to them...please Jesus!

Please pray for wisdom for us as we parent these teen boys. While I LOVE Dr. Dobsons attitude, I am also acutely aware that our situation is a bit different. We didn't parent them from birth, they don't have years of solid influence to fall back on later. The time is short and the stakes are high. Join us in praying first and foremost that our boys would come into a relationship with Jesus. Then please join me in praying for God's protection over them as at times they live chaotically and make unwise choices with their yet completely formed brains Praise Jesus that He alone is big enough and strong enough to handle any and every mess they make!

Thank you for your prayers and support. Our whole family (all 9 of us) are totally blessed by your partnership!

Spring Musical

2010-03-27T12:04:00.006-04:00

Here are a few pics from the spring musical at Sofia and Nico's school. Sofia got cold feet at the last minute and didn't go on but Nico danced and twirled. :) I have some video of him...if I can get it uploaded I will.

Restless

2010-03-24T17:12:00.005-04:00

I have been going through this season where I feel super restless. I haven't been able to pinpoint the cause really. I have finished 5 Christian books this month, copied multiple verses on cards to memorize, talked about other ways I can contribute to the ministry, researched 4 different possible vacations, prayed and prayed and prayed. Yet, I still feel restless. There are a number of things that could contribute but as I kept asking the Lord what the cause is...all I could sense was that there was purpose in it.

Last Saturday night I headed downstairs to check on the boys at lights out...midnight. Two boys were sleeping already...both without doing their chores. And three were at the counter playing cards...with money. Gambling is not permitted in our house. So they were breaking the rules and 2 of these 3 owe us money. Needless to say, I was not pleased when I headed back upstairs.

But instead of being angry or even annoyed...I felt sad. I am feeling more than ever that what I have to offer isn't enough for them. But like I mentioned before it has driven me to pray. So I was praying that my boys would hunger for good things; hunger for righteousness whether they realize it was things of God or not. I prayed that they would be unsatisfied with the way they are currently living their lives. Then I sensed it from the Lord...and it became so clear. He wants them to feel restless just like I have felt. He wants them to be unsatisfied with anything but Him. Ah, now I get it! Because I have been feeling so restless myself, I totally got it! Isn't that cool that God would allow me to feel uncomfortable in something in order to speak to me powerfully about my boys. I LOVE it!

And so I continue to pray for their restlessness. That they would be unsatisfied with the things of this life. Then today God opens a door for a conversation with one of my boys. He is the one I mentioned before in "Enough". He is struggling, making every poor decision he can make. JJ and are losing patience with him. Consequences aren't working. So today I asked him "Do you feel like something is missing from your life? Do you feel like you are searching for something?" I don't know how to say "restless" in Spanish but I worked my way around it! He answered yes and we had a significant talk. A time where I reminded him the truth about this life. The truth that God made us with to be in relationship with Him and that when we are outside of that...we always feel like something is missing. We can try and fill that void with all kinds of things and people but that hole can only be filled by God. It was a sweet moment where I was able to speak the truth to him about who he is and how much God loves him. I was able to encourage him, affirm him, remind him of our love for him and pray for him. He even agreed to see a psychologist to talk through some of his past pain & hurts.

It was a blessed time. I am so grateful to God for opening the door. My son is restless and God gave me the opportunity to tell him the truth about where he can finally find rest! Praise Jesus! I am also so thankful that God allowed me a time of restlessness so I could be ready and so I could understand what God was up to once he revealed it!

It makes me think of what I miss when I don't seek the Lord's counsel. How many times are we uncomfortable and we ignore it? When we don't ask God what he is up to in our midst? How many times are we too busy whining (I do this) to seek God out in a situation? My answer...too often. But today, I am thinking differently. Today I want to be thankful for difficult circumstances because I know that God can use them to reveal truth to me, to reveal more of Himself.